Shinobu's Diary
by Jakinbandw
Summary: An account of Shinobu's and Keitaro's adventures and relationship through Shinobu's Diary.
1. Entry 1

My First diary

Owner: Shinobu

* * *

Entry 1 

Shinobu Maehara, age fourteen years

I am so joyful. Today Sempai gave me a diary! This might not be the first diary that I have ever had. However it certainly is the first one that I have ever received from him. I guess I should describe my situation. When I read this again I will want to know what is happening. I Shinobu Maehara am currently residing at the Hinata Inn. It has been turned into a girls dormitory and it has been about a year since I came here. I don't think that I shall ever forget this place. So much has happened since I have arrived. It has all been recorded in my other diaries.

I still can't believe Sempai got a present for me. He is so thoughtful. I mean he went out of his way to get everybody in the dorm presents. Wasn't that kind of him? I wonder what I can do for him. I make his favourite foods so often It wouldn't seem like a treat. What should I do? I think that I will sleep on it. Maybe I can think of something tomorrow.

Good night Sempai. I love you.


	2. Entry 2

Entry 2

Math was hard today. When I came home Sempai helped me understand. He is so kind. Unfortunately we had an accident and he got hurt again. Why is he always getting hurt? He is so strong to be able to walk away from those attacks, but why does Naru-Sempai always misunderstand the situation? I guess that it was my fault too. If I hadn't have screamed no one would have known what had happened. I don't mind when he does it. It is just that it happened so suddenly. I think that I have come up with my thank you gift for Sempai. I will not scream again! Even in the most compromising situation I will not scream, no matter what!

Who am I kidding… I don't have enough control over myself to stop. I am always causing Sempai pain. Maybe I should leave. No! I can't. Sempai needs me. Even if it is just to cook. I will willing serve him even if he were dragged down into the depths of hell. I will not scream when he touches me again! I won't! He is the one that is sacrificing his time studying to help me understand this stuff and get good marks. I owe it to him.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	3. Entry 3

Entry 3

I failed. He was helping me in the kitchen and slipped on some oil and pulled off my skirt. I couldn't stop myself. I am a failure. I tried to apologize to him but he said not to worry. He expects me to bring him pain? I have to find a way to help him. Maybe I should leave. All I do is hurt him. He knows that and yet is still kind to me. Oh Sempai. I'm sorry. How can anyone not like you? You are the epitome of good. Who else in this world would always be kind to the one that hurts you? What else but an angel could like me after I have caused you so much pain? Oh Sempai, I live for your smiles. Please understand that I just want you to be happy.

It was thanks to your help that I passed the pop quiz in math today. I thank you Sempai. From the bottom of my heart. I think that I shall have to start avoiding you. I don't want to cause you any more pain. Please understand what I am trying to do. Please Sempai, I only want to help. Please forgive me for what I have done. Please forgive me for avoiding you in the future. I see no other way.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	4. Entry 4

Entry 4

I have succeeded. But it hurts. I know where Sempai will be so I am able to avoid him. I think that he is worried about me. Why can't he understand that I am doing this for him? I'm sorry Sempai. I know you are concerned. It's just… When I see you looking at me with that worried face I want to go to you and pour out my soul for you. You don't even know the effect that you have on me.

To top it off I am not even sure if what I am doing is helping. Sempai got hit a couple times today for some accident or other. It seems as if my help is not helping at all. I wish that I knew what to do. Still Sempai was smiling when he went to his room tonight. And when he went to bed I heard him mumble something about 'a way to help Shinobu with her shyness.' I wasn't spying. I was just… concerned. Sempai, why do you put my happiness ahead of your own? You know that anything you do will get you in trouble. Oh Sempai, I shall protect you from your kindness. I will not let you get hurt trying to help me! Tomorrow you won't even know that I am here.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	5. Entry 5

Entry 5

Sempai is so wonderful! He asked me to go to a movie with him. I know that he just wants to get me used to being around other people now and then. He is so kind! It was almost like a date! He took me to see a romance movie that I had been wanting to see. I was embarrassed, but he told me not to worry… Just like I was his girlfriend! He didn't have an accident the whole time that we were out. It was so wonderful! Now if we had just held hands on the walk home it would have been perfect!

It didn't last. After we got back home Naru-sempai and Motoko-sempai were waiting for an explanation as to why he was with me. It seemed as if all of his bad luck came to hit him all at once. I was so sad I had caused him pain. He came and saw me before I went to bed. He told me not to worry, that it wasn't my fault. And guess what else! He told me that every week that he would take me out until I was accustomed to people and got over my shyness! He said that even Motoko-sempai had said that it was ok! I hope that I stay shy forever. Oh Sempai...

I guess that I forgot my promise. Still, I will follow through tomorrow. He won't even be able to tell that I am here. I might even be able to talk the other girls into avoiding him. He really does need a chance to study.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	6. Entry 6

Entry 6

I did it. I gave Sempai a day to study without accidents. I managed to convince the others that I needed them to come shopping with me. Well it was true. I did need to go shopping, and it was nice to have them along to help me carry my things. The only one that stayed behind was Motoko-sempai. I'm pretty sure that there were no accidents. Motoko-sempai and Sempai usually give each other a lot of space. I'm sure that I was just imagining that the hole in the fence had already been fixed.

Tomorrow I have to go back to school. Sempai asked me if I wanted to study with him but I turned him down. You have no idea how hard that was Sempai… You don't know how much I long to be in your presence. I wish that we could have spent the night studying together, but it would not have worked. You would have had an accident and then you would have been hurt. I cannot ask that from you.

Tomorrow I have a math test. I only hope that I am able to do well enough that Sempai won't worry about me. He is so kind. I must do well for his sake. If I don't then he will help me. I can not let that happen to you no matter what Sempai. I will protect you. I will not hurt you. It is so hard Sempai... I'm not sure that I can do it without your help. I guess that I am just selfish. I am just evil. No wonder you like Naru-sempai more than me. She isn't as selfish. I try Sempai, but it's hard.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	7. Entry 7

Entry 7

I failed the math test. I know I did. I'm sorry Sempai. It was just so hard. Many of the questions I had to guess at. I put up a smile for everyone when I got home but when I get my test back tomorrow I will have t show everyone just how stupid I am. Oh Sempai… I'm sorry for making you put up with an idiot like me. I know how this will turn out. Sempai will help me, but in the process will get hurt. I can't allow that. I will not tell them that I did bad on my test. My stupidity is no reason for Sempai to get hurt.

Su working on one of her inventions and ended up hurting Sempai. When I talked to her about it she told me that it didn't matter because Sempai is indestructible. But that's no the point! I know that she isn't mean. I know that she probably doesn't even think about how much she hurts Sempai with her inventions. She is older than me. I don't understand why she can't see it. She isn't mean or nasty… She is just… Immature. Somehow I must make her realize that what she is doing is wrong. I will help you Sempai… I promise

Good night Sempai. I love you


	8. Entry 8

Entry 8

I passed! I am so happy! A can't believe that I managed to luck out and pass the math test. I even passed with good enough marks that Sempai won't feel like he has to help me study or anything. Oh Sempai… I broke my rule of avoiding him. He knew that I had a test and so he would have sought me out anyway. I just made sure that I told him in a place that was safe for Sempai. He was so happy for me. He smiled at me. I felt like I was on top of the world. Oh Sempai… I love you. I have got to work harder. When I did well that made him happy. I just want you to bee happy Sempai.

I also came up with a way make Su understand how much she hurts Sempai. After dinner I asked her if she could build a device that would take the pain that one individual was feeling and pass it on to another person. I could see her mind start working right away. I asked her to build me a set. I didn't tell her what it was for however. Sempai will no longer get hurt while I am here. I shall see to that. I shall take all of his pain as my own. It is only fair. I do almost nothing around here and I live for free. This is the least I can do to help. Oh Sempai… I hope that I am strong enough to bare you pain. I just want to see you smile. I love your smiles. In fact, I love everything about you.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	9. Entry 9

Entry 9

Su gave me the results of her testing today. I am sitting here looking at them. Two little pills. One blue, one red. According to Su the blue one sends the pain, while the red one receives it. I am so smart! I even remembered to ask if there was a self-destruct device on it. There wasn't. There… I just took the red pill. Now, all that I have to do is find a way to give the blue pill to Sempai. Now you won't have to worry about accidents anymore Sempai. I will protect you from all of the troubles of living here. Now you can walk around in peace. Now you can smile all of the time without worry. I will not let you get hurt again!

My teacher in home ec. has been talking about moving me up to a higher grade level. According to her I am almost as good as a professional. I know that she is just trying to be nice, but it made me feel good anyway. I don't know if I should move up to the next grade level. I know that the teacher would probably give me good marks no matter how bad that I was doing. It just feels wrong to take advantage of the teachers kindness. No, I think that I shall stay right where I am. I will not take advantage of my teacher. I will be like Sempi. I shall not take advantage of situations just for my personal gain. Especially if I don't deserve it.

Something odd happened tonight. I saw Sempai in his room studying. He normally studies with Naru-sempai. I wonder what is going on. I hope that he didn't get hurt again. Sometimes I wish that Naru-sempai would see just how nice Sempai is. Why is she always hurting him? No… I'm probably just imagining things. I admit that I am jealous of Naru-sempai. That's probably effecting my judgement.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	10. Entry 10

Entry 10

I have new respect for Sempai. I managed to get him to eat the pill when I got home from school. He seemed cautious about what it was but he trusted me not to hurt him. Sempai trusts me! I will work hard not to break that trust.

It just before supper when it happened. He had an accident while I was in the kitchen. It was strange. I could feel the sharp pain in my knee even though nothing had happened. When I heard Motoko-sempai calling out one of her attacks I braced myself. It was like nothing that I had ever felt before. It felt like I was the fish that I had cut up for supper. It only lasted a few seconds before it stopped. When I came to everybody was standing around my looking at me and supper had burned. I was so embarrassed. I guess that I screamed and passed out.

I asked Su what had happened. She said something about there being a maximum limit to the pain that could be transferred. She said that the pills probably shorted out. Everyone has been giving me worried looks since I told them what happened. How does Sempai deal with that kind of pain? Why do the other girls not worry about him? I don't know. I am still a little sore from fainting. I'll sort this out tomorrow.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	11. Entry 11

Entry 11

Dear Keitaro,

If you are reading this than the operation was unsuccessful and I have passed on. I don't want you to grieve for me. It was not anybodies fault that the pills malfunctioned. As I lay here in bed waiting for Su to perform the operation, I can't help but be glad that you seem immune to the effects of the pill. I don't know what I would have done if my actions had killed you.

Please don't think too badly of me when I am gone. I never was quite the person that you wanted me to be. I was bad at school, jealous and selfish. I wish that I could have measured up to your standards. I tried. I really did.

Keitaro, I have something to confess. I love you. I know that you love Naru-sempai and that it is selfish of my to want you, but I can't help it. To me you are an angel. A friend in times of need. A confident that will keep my secrets. A love, whose smile brightens my day. Keitaro, I know it is selfish of me, but I wish that we could have lived together as a husband and wife. I hope to see you one day on the other side if God has mercy on my soul.

Goodbye Keitaro. I love you


	12. Entry 12

Entry 12

I survived the operation. I don't know what Su did but I feel almost as good as new. Everyone thought that I should take it easy for today. Still I managed to convince Sempai that I was good enough for our date. He took me out to a park and we sat and talked about different things. It was so wonderful! He was acting almost like a concerned boyfriend. Oh, Sempai… You are so wonderful. I am sorry for making you worry. You are so nice…

I look back on what I wrote yesterday and I can't help but wonder what I was thinking. I know that I should remove that page, but I just can't. It's stands for all that I believe. Just because I thought I was going to die when I wrote it down. Now I don't have the will to remove it. No matter how out of it I may have been, it is still the truth. What would you do if you knew that this foolish girl loved you Sempai? Would you tell her that you didn't like her? Or would you be afraid to hurt her feelings? I'm sorry Sempai… I shouldn't ask.

I talked to the school over the phone. I didn't miss too much yesterday, but on Monday I will have to do some make up work. I hope that Math isn't too hard. I have enough trouble as it is. I can't believe how worried my teachers were about me. It doesn't make sense. Why is everybody so worried about me Sempai? Have I done something wrong? I'm sorry. I'll try to make it up over the next couple days.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	13. Entry 13

Entry 13

Sempai is so wonderful. He spent the day with me studying. He is helping me with the chores around the house and everything. Sempai is so kind. When he is helping me with math everything makes sense. Sempai could become a great tutor. Sempai was studying his own work when he wasn't working with me. It felt like I was his girlfriend and we were studying for the same test. It was so wonderful. Still, I can't help but wonder how long this will last. Sempai does love Naru-sempai. Once their argument is over things will go back to normal. I will enjoy it while it lasts.

Sempai had only one accident today. Not that I am upset about it. I just find it strange. He has been moving more smoothly as of late. The only accident that he had was at supper when he said some things that the girls took the wrong way. This is not good. If the girls start liking him to much then I won't ever have a chance to be with him. No! I should not be thinking that. He loves Naru-sempai and deserves to be with her. Still… Is it wrong for me to dream Sempai? You always say that dreams are important. Is it wrong for me to want to be with you? Yes… Yes it is. How can I put my happiness ahead of yours and Naru-sempai's? I am sorry Sempai. Why can't I be more like you? Why am I so selfish?

Good night Sempai. I love you


	14. Entry 14

Entry 14

Studying with Sempai yesterday really helped. I found that I wasn't behind at all. In fact me and Sempai had already covered the topics that we were learning in class today. Thank you Sempai. This is the first time that I can remember being this good at school. Oh Sempai… I really do wonder if you aren't an angel. It would explain a lot of things about you. I have never seen somebody so nice and caring before. You never get angry. You are never mean. It would also explain why you are always trying to help Naru-sempai with her problems. The only reason that I know that you aren't is that you have such bad luck. Still Sempai… You are my angel.

I went to see Sempai tonight just before I went to bed. When I asked Mitsune-sempai where Sempai was she told me that she had just seen him go into his room. When I got there however he wasn't. Su had been playing in the hallway and hadn't seen him come out? Where did Sempai go? I hope that nothing bad has happened to him… Maybe he went back to heaven to ask god to remove his bad luck. Oh Sempai… I hope that you are OK. If you are missing tomorrow than I shall find you. I know you said that school was important, but to me you are far more important than anything else. Please be OK Sempai.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	15. Entry 15

Entry 15

Sempai was back this morning. It was like he was never gone. When I asked his he just gave a nervous laugh and said that I must have imagined it. Sempai… don't you trust me? I would never hurt you Sempai. When I checked his room tonight he wasn't there. Where is he going? Why doesn't he trust me? Sempai… If you told me what you were doing I might be able to help you. I trust you Sempai. I guess that I must be not a trustworthy person. Even right now I want to go look for you. Even though you have made it quite plain that you don't want to be followed. I'm sorry Sempai. I think tomorrow I will follow you and find out where you go at night. I worry about you. Your bad luck has been happening less recently. Is that because you are getting hurt on your nightly trips? Oh Sempai… I worry for you.

Another thing that I am trying to figure out I what has come between Naru-sempai and Sempai. They used to be so close and recently they seem to be falling apart. I don't understand. I hate myself. It is obvious that it is hurting you Sempai, and yet I cant help but feel glad. I may have a chance to be with you now. Even… Even if in the end you get back together with Naru-sempai, I am happy just to sit and study with you. I find it so relaxing. I feel so cozy when you are in my room helping me.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	16. Entry 16

Entry 16

I have just seen the most amazing thing. I saw Sempai practicing. Now I know why he has been having less accidents lately. I was watching Sempai from one of the secret passages earlier tonight to try to find out where he goes. When he left his room and entered an passage I followed him. He through a set of passages that I didn't even know existed. We arrived at a room that was set up with all kinds of little things. There was oil on the floor, a manikin in a small pool, even what looked to be an automatic firing range. As I watched I saw Sempai glance around the room. First he walked over to the manikin and helped it out of the water like it was a person. Then he walked towards the shooting range. As he did so he slipped on the oil. The amazing thing was that instead of falling and hurting himself he did a quick back roll and came up on his feet. You were so amazing Sempai! As I watched him I noticed that he was still clumsy, but I could tell that he was improving. The things he practiced. I wouldn't have guessed that there were so many different types of hazards around the inn. I nearly screamed when he was getting shot at. Oh Sempai… You are so brave.

Mitsune-sempai seems to be worried about the relationship between Naru-sempai and Sempai. She has asked everybody except for those two to attend a meeting tomorrow. She even asked Mutsumi-sempai who happened to be in town. I have very mixed feelings about this Sempai. I want to be with you, but I also want you to be happy. I wish that I knew what to do.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	17. Entry 17

Entry 17

I don't know what to do Sempai. Mitsune-sempai wants me to help find out what the problem between you and Naru-sempai is. I am curious to know as well Sempai, but when Mitsune-sempai finds out she will find a way to fix it. Then you will no longer want to study with me. I'm so confused Sempai… I know that I should help Mitsune-sempai. I know that it is the right thing to do. You love Naru and it would be wrong of me to not help. Why then do I want to not help you. I know that you could never love me the way that I love you. So why do I balk at the thought of helping you and Naru-sempai get back together. I'm I truly that evil that I hurt my friend and my love just to be happy? I wish that you could be happy with me Sempai. I shall help you. I have never hurt you and I won't start now. I know that it is jealousy, but Sempai, why are you in love with someone that hurts you? Why? Why, can't it be me that you are in love with. I try so hard for you Sempai! Why can't you see that? …I'm sorry Sempai. I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts. You are kind to those that hurt you. How can I do any less than be kind to them too especially when they are trying misguidedly to help me. I will help you Sempai, though it hurts me to do so.

Good night Sempai. I love you


	18. Entry 18

Entry 18

Poor Sempai. I talked to him about what had happened between him and Naru-sempai. When they were studying together Naru-sempai fell asleep and muttered that she loved Seta-sempai in her sleep. When Sempai asked her about it she didn't give that clear of an answer. The last time that this came up Seta-sempai managed to diffuse the situation before it got too out of hand. This time he can't because he is on a dig. I guess that Sempai decided that he should let her go. I think that I can see why. Naru has shown several times that she really likes Seta-sempai, while at the same time saying how much she dislikes Sempai. Everyone here at the inn knows that she does love Sempai, but I guess that he is starting to lose faith. Poor Sempai. I guess that he tried to talk to Naru-sempai about it but she wouldn't. Now he is sad but is trying to let Naru-sempai go. He is attempting to do the hardest thing. Let his love for someone go. Naru-sempai on the other hand has been angry with Sempai for avoiding her recently. If she would talk about it with Sempai they could probably resolve it. Naru-sempai won't do that however. I told Mitsune-sempai this and she said that she would see what she could do for Naru-sempai. I hope that they work this out between them. I would hate to have Sempai be the victim of loving someone who doesn't love him. Don't worry Sempai, I will help you sort this mess out. I will help you be happy. No matter what the cost.

I the back of my mind there is something that is bothering me about this whole situation. Sempai and I are in the same situation. Both of us have given up our love so that the other person could be happy. Yet in both of our cases it has just led to more problems for all involved. I feel like I am back at my old house watching my parents fight. Yet this is different. Everyone cares for everybody else. Maybe I should actively start working to become Sempai's girlfriend. But what should I do? I'm sure that I'll think of something. I think that the first thing that I will have to do is start calling Sempai by his real name. I respect him… But I have never seen in any movie a girlfriend that called her boyfriend sempai. So from now on I shall call you by your real name Sempai… I mean Keitaro.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	19. Entry 19

Entry 19

Oh Keitaro… I can't believe how hard it is to use your first name. Every time I say it I feel a blush on my face and I get embarrassed. Oh Keitaro… Today did not go well. I didn't think that it would be this hard last night. Even Sempai… Keitaro! is worried about me. He is afraid that I have come down with something. I never thought that it would be this hard Sem… Keitaro. I am beginning to lose confidence that this is the best course of action. It all seemed so clear last night when I was tired but today it was really hard. Mitsune-sempai know what I am thinking. I heard her muttering to herself about why I had to make my play for Keitaro now. Keitaro has been spending more and more time with me. I can't help but wonder if he is trying to hide from Naru-sempai. Tonight He even invited Mutsumi-sempai to study with us. She turned him down. Something about a watermelon tasting contest in town. Still, how can I get Sempai to notice me if he's got his problems and I can't even talk to him without wanting to run and hide? After the fact I can think logically about it, but at the time I can't control my emotions. Oh Semp… Keitaro! what am I going to do?

On another not Mitsune-sempai seems to be in a bad mood. She seemed good until she went for a talk for a talk with Naru-sempai. When she came out she had a scowl on her face and was muttering about being stubborn. I hope that this gets resolved soon. As much as I want to be with Sempai I can't help but feel the extreme emotional pressure that is building at the in. I wish that It would just go away. It feels too familiar somehow. Something better happen soon or it might destroy that feeling of happiness that makes this inn so special.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	20. Entry 20

Entry 20

Well here I am on a train headed for Kyoto and it's eleven at night. Today was horrible. Everyone was yelling. Mitsune-sempai was yelling at Naru-sempai. Naru-sempai was yelling back. Motoko-sempai was yelling at Sempai for playing with Naru-sempai's emotions. Sempai was trying to save Tama from Su because Su had decided that it was finally time for their showdown. I tried to talk Su out of it but it was hard because every time that I tried Sempai got hurt and I had to go and help him. It was if everyone had gone crazy and Sempai and I were the only ones left sane. How long this went on I don't know but at one point I saw Tama manage to escape Su's parameter defences and escape. Soon after that Sempai got hit really hard and didn't come back. I went to find him but I couldn't. Who am I trying to kid? I left because I was afraid that the other girls would turn on me. I think that I'll stay away for a while and try to let things return to normal before I go back. It seemed to work when Semp… Keitaro did it.

I have arrived at a small run down hotel. I found that I only had enough money for two days. Still that's better than nothing. I had to spend about an hour cleaning the room it was so dirty. I do believe that this is the longest that I have ever managed to stay awake.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	21. Entry 21

Entry 21

I had a nice day today. I was able to sleep in. No work to do. I could just relax. The only thing that I don't understand is why my room has a mirror over the bed. I spent most of the day relaxing. For a while I was worried about Se Keitaro, but I'm sure that he is doing the same thing that I am. I went and visited a few of the temples around here. I even… I even went to a few special ones and prayed for happiness in my love life. Oh, Keitaro… When I grow old enough let's become a couple ok? I would really like to sit on the roof of the inn and watch the sun go down while holding hands with you. It would be so romantic!

I'm kind of surprised that Su hasn't found me yet. I am kind of glad. Still I would have expected her to find me by now. Maybe she understand why I left. Still… I wouldn't expect her to understand. While she is older than me, sometimes she can be quite immature! It's probably a good thing. I spent all day sneezing. I hope that I am not coming down with a cold. It would be terrible if Su caught it. She might try to find a way to fix it. That could lead to disaster!

I have booked a ticket home on the early morning train. If I timed everything right I should make it back just in time for school. I look forward to seeing you soon Keitaro. I hope that you enjoyed you vacation as much as I did. I hope that everything has calmed down.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	22. Entry 22

Entry 22

Oh Keitaro… I shouldn't have run off the other day. No only did I have a lot of trouble in school because I didn't study but everyone was missing! Even Haruka-san is gone. The sign on her teashop say that she will be gone for an indefinite amount of time. The only one still here is Tama and she can't tell me anything. The house was quite a mess when I got back and even now I will have to spend time working on the laundry before I can consider my work truly done.

I am finding it kind of scary to be all alone in the inn. It feels like it is sucking the life from my body. Like all of the bad emotions that I felt here when I left have seeped into the walls. I don't even know what happened to everyone. It feels kind of like a ghost house. If it wasn't for Tama I would be all alone in here. I really am scared. I need to sleep though. Tomorrow I have school. Maybe when I get back I'll find out what happened and where everybody vanished to. I hope that your ok Keitaro… Wherever you are…

Good night Keitaro. I love you.


	23. Entry 23

Entry 23

Haruka-san got home today. When I asked her were Keitaro was she just looked at me and said that they would be home shortly. Later I was watching the news while I was making supper. How on earth did they end up taking part in a wrestling competition? I sat and watched for five long minutes as Keitaro was stuck in a cage with a massive American wrestler. He didn't seem the worse for wear when he accepted the five thousand yen. It hurt to see Keitaro getting hurt so much. Yet I think that it felt worse to know that even that much pain was less than what he suffers here every day. Just wait Keitaro… I will learn to control myself so that you don't get into trouble when you have an accident.

I need Keitaro to come home soon. When I was studying with him school seemed so easy. Now that he is not here with me my grades are falling again. It used to be fun to study. Now It's a chore again. You have to come back Keitaro. I need you to help me study! Also you didn't take me out on Saturday like you promised. I know you couldn't… but… but… I want to go out with you again! I really enjoy when we spend time together. Please come home soon Keitaro. Come home and bring everyone with you. I miss everyone. It scares me to sleep here all alone. It reminds me of living with my parents.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	24. Entry 24

Entry 24

Everyone made it back today! Mitsune-sempai threw a party once we had caught up on everything. Everyone had gone out looking for me. I guess that I just missed them. Su was very annoyed that her tracking device had a day and a half time delay on it. I'm kind of glad. It was nice to have a vacation. But I'm even happier that everyone is back to normal. It seems that whatever happened between Keitaro and Naru-sempai got cleared up. I hope it did anyway. It was kind of hard to tell. Everyone was happy to see me. Then Keitaro had an accident in front of the girls so I couldn't even help him. Then we had the party. I glad that the tension seems to be out of the air.

I had to stay up late and finish cleaning up after the party. I didn't get much studying done today. Still, It doesn't matter. Now that Keitaro is home I will get caught up quite quickly. He even agreed to take me on a small trip tomorrow after school to make up for the one that I missed. He seemed quite happy that I wanted to go. I heard him say something about me gaining confidence before Mitsune-sempai started a drinking game with him. I'm so happy that Keitaro is proud of me! I will do my best Keitaro!

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	25. Entry 25

Entry 25

Things are going back to normal. Keitaro trained tonight while I watched. Su has started work on building up for her next war with Tama. Motoko-sempai has regained her composure. Naru-sempai has gone back to studying, though not with Keitaro. Mitsune-sempai seems have gone back to her old self. I could be wrong but she seems to be drinking harder than normal. I hope that she isn't bothered about what happened. Every time I try to ask her about it she just smiles. Her smile looks forced. I wonder if she is just going through the motions like I am. So much has happened lately that I feel out of place. Like a bird that is caught in a hurricane. I don't know what to do… everything is changing so fast that all I can do is keep doing what I usually do and hope that nothing goes wrong. Oh Keitaro… I wish I could be strong like you. I know that this must be hard on you. I even heard you crying a few minutes ago in your sleep. You are troubled, but you keep it to yourself. I will follow your lead Keitaro.

Keitaro and I went for dinner tonight just like he had promised. I really enjoyed it. I can't believe how flustered I get when I am with him. Why can't I just act normal? I suppose that it is my fault. I space out and next thing I know he is right next to me. It scares me… I don't know why. When I think back there are so many daydreams that have started out that way. Why can't I ever act like I do in my daydreams? Still… I think that I am getting better. When you scared me today I only gave a small 'eep!' instead of screaming like I normally do. I will not get you into trouble anymore Keitaro.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	26. Entry 26

Entry 26

Oh Keitaro… I never knew how much this whole thing hurt you. Today we went to an amusement park. We both had to get out of the house, and today being Saturday, time for one of our dates, it offered the perfect opportunity. We went on the Ferris wheel. It is a very long ride, and Keitaro told me all of the problems that he is having. The fact that Naru-sempai won't talk to him anymore. The fact that both Motoko-sempai and Mitsune-sempai are upset with him for hurting Naru-sempai. The fact that he just doesn't know what to do anymore. He broke down crying in front of me. I tried to comfort him but I couldn't help. This is the first time that I have seen him like this. He always knows what to do. Then again, maybe there is no right answer to this problem. He is trying to help Naru-sempai. However in trying to help her he is hurting her. I don't think that he would agree with my reasoning about how letting somebody go hurts both them and you. Does that mean that I am wrong? Could Keitaro be wrong? I don't know anymore. All I can do is continue what I am doing. I hope that this will work out in the end Keitaro.

I think that I am beginning to catch up on my studies. When I work with Keitaro everything becomes so much easier to understand. I hope that Keitaro feels the same way. Keitaro has started teaching me some of the things that he is learning. He says that it seems to help him remember things easier. I don't know if it is true or not but I am finding it interesting learning English. It truly is a strange language. Thank you Keitaro for helping me. When you are around I feel so smart.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	27. Entry 27

Entry 27

Not much happened today. The mood in the house is that of a funeral. Keitaro and I spent most of the day studying. Motoko-sempai went to one of her camps and will be gone for a while. Su is in her room and hasn't come out for anything except to eat. She says that she is working on one of her inventions. When I walk past however I don't hear the sound of explosions that I have come to associate with the sound of Su working. Mitsune-sempai actually sat down and started work on one of her novels today. Everybody was really surprised. I saw her moving several bottles of sake to her room when she thought that no one was looking. When I called her for supper she took it in her room. Naru-sempai spent all day out of the house. I don't know where she is going but I think that I smelled alcohol on her breath when she got home. Oh Keitaro ... I thought that everything had gone back to normal. Was the bond between you and Naru-sempai that strong? Why is everybody so upset? Still, things might be getting back to normal. Naru-sempai went to Mitsune-sempai's room and I heard laughter coming out of it just before I went to watch Keitaro train.

Something that I have been wondering about. Each night the layout of the room has changed. Yet I know that Keitaro can't be doing it. He was with me all day and last night I watched him until he went to bed. I would ask him but then he would know that I have been spying on him. Oh Keitaro ... I know that I shouldn't watch you. I just can help myself. You look so handsome after you have completed one of your sessions. And you are becoming so graceful in completing them. I don't think that you had a single accident today. When you were helping carry out the food and you slipped on one of Su's bananas I watched as you managed to slide right up to the table before regaining your balance and putting down the food in front of Naru-sempai. You really are improving. Even with your bad luck you are beginning to not have any accidents. You are so strong Keitaro.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	28. Entry 28

Entry 28

I finally solved the mystery of how Keitaro's training room changes each night. I went down there today because I had forgotten my sketchpad down in my hiding place. When I went I saw Haruka-san down there. She was rearranging all of the trials. I tried to leave but she caught me. She wasn't very angry at me. In fact she seemed rather relieved to find out that it was me who had found out what Keitaro was doing. She asked me to keep it a secret. She also strongly suggested that I let Keitaro know that I was watching him. I tried. But I just wasn't brave enough to bring it up while we were studying. I hope that I hid my sketchpad well enough. It would be really hard to explain some of the drawings that are in it.

The mood at the inn has improved. Ever since last night when Naru-sempai visited Mitsune-sempai it feels like a great weight has lifted from the inn. There was laughter and jokes today. Keitaro was still sad but seemed to be happy that everybody else was back to normal. Su even showed me what she was inventing. It was a device for waiting out a nuclear winter. It was able to take any material and convert it into basic food and water. It also was a source of power. It even included a toilet that worked without plumbing. I didn't examine it to closely once that I saw that it had a radiation sign on it. Oddly enough It doesn't have a self destruct button. When I asked, Su gave me a rather odd answer, even for her. She said that she had seen too much destruction lately. I couldn't help but agree. Oh Keitaro... I wish that I could cheer you up. You still seem so quiet.

Good night Keitaro. I love you.


	29. Entry 29

Entry 29

While we were studying I told Keitaro about how I was watching him train. He was very surprised that I had found out. When he had made it back and calmed down we discussed his training. He told me that Haruka-san had suggested it a while ago when they had been talking about his bad luck. Ever since then he has been training so that he wouldn't bother the girls so much. Haruka-san had even given him a diary to write all of his accidents in. She gave it to him so that he could look for trends in his accidents and see if he was improving. I found out that this was one of the first things that had made him doubt that Naru-sempai loved him. When he was looking for patterns he saw that it was common for Naru-sempai to hit him after he had mentioned anything to do with them as a couple. He also had noted that she hit him when she perceived that what he was doing was perverted. He drew the conclusion that Naru-sempai considered being a couple with him the same way she considered him doing anything perverted. She hated it. When I looked in Keitaro's diary I couldn't help but see that when the evidence is looked at it seems like it is true that Naru-sempai doesn't love him. Yet I was sure that Naru-sempai loved him. I don't think that I was wrong. Doesn't she love him? Maybe she doesn't. She sure seems to be happy lately. It seems like she got over her depression extremely fast. I know that if Keitaro came out and said that he wasn't my boyfriend I would spend the rest of my life crying. Naru-sempai and Mitsune-sempai have been spending a lot of time together. I wonder what they are planning? Oh Keitaro... I hope that it won't hurt you. You always seem to end up hurt when Mitsune-sempai plots something. I worry for you Keitaro.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	30. Entry 30

Entry 30

I had a test in math today. I felt so confident when I took it. Studying with Keitaro really seems to help. I actually knew how to do everything on the test. Keitaro is so smart. He has been helping me a lot with my studies. I think that It has been helping him too. He told me a last night that this was the best that he had ever felt about his studies. I am beginning to be able to spell some words in English. The phrasing and the grammar are confusing but when Keitaro explains it to me it seems to make so much sense. When we don't know the answer we look it up. It is very fun. I never thought that I could enjoy studying this much. I think that Keitaro enjoys it too. When we finished he was smiling. He is still depressed, but I am glad to know that in some small way I am helping him.

I am not sure but I think that I heard Naru-sempai talking on the phone with Kentaro-sempai. I couldn't hear all the words, but it sounded like they were arranging a date for this Saturday. I am very surprised. I thought that Naru-sempai thought that Kentaro-sempai was worse than Keitaro. I even find him rather scary. The way that he used to stalk Naru-sempai was definitely freaky. Still Maybe I am wrong. When I saw Naru-sempai's face a few seconds later it had a disgusted look on it. Oh Keitaro... What's going on?

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	31. Entry 31

Entry 31

I did really well on my math test. The teacher even asked me what I was doing differently. When I told him that I was being helped by Keitaro he told me to keep it up. This is the best that I have ever been at math. The teacher even was wondering if Keitaro was a professional level tutor. It was kind of embarrassing to have to talk about it. At the same time it just goes to show how wonderful Keitaro really is. Before my parents broke up they had hired a tutor to help me with my math. He had helped me bring up my grades a little, but not as much as Keitaro has brought them up in the short time that we have been working together. Oh Keitaro... Thank you.

Keitaro has begun to help me prepare breakfast. I think that it is so that he has a reason to not be wandering around the house early in the morning. Every time he does he seems to have an accident. He had one this morning even though he was being careful. The amazing thing was that I didn't scream. It was hard, but it was worth it. He apologized so strongly that I had to reassure him that it was ok and that I understood. I don't think that he could believe it. As far as I am aware, this is the first time that he hasn't been severely hurt because of his bad luck. He is so polite. So kind. So caring. Oh Keitaro... Why can't anyone else here see the good in you?

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	32. Entry 32

Entry 32

I had a very bad day today. I lost my sketchpad. I wasn't even able to go look for it because I had to go to school. When I got back Keitaro and I went looking for it. He had an accident and got into trouble. It was all just a misunderstanding. Why couldn't Naru-sempai understand that we were in the closet looking for my sketchpad and nothing else? Oh Keitaro... To top it off, it was Su that found my sketchpad. She was asking about all of the drawings that I had done of Keitaro training. She even looked at the one that I drew after Keitaro had lost his shirt to flamethrower. It was so embarrassing. I wanted to run to my room but I couldn't without the sketchpad. Keitaro didn't know what to do either. I had never told him that I sketched him training. After I got it back he kept of giving me odd looks. He wanted to see what I had drawn, but I was to embarrassed to show him.

Tonight Mitsune-sempai decided that it was a good time for a party because Motoko-sempai had finally returned. I helped her set it up. Half way through the party she decided that we should be told ghost stories. They were so scary I don't even want to think about it. I don't know why she wanted to talk about ghosts. We all know that they exist. I even met one! They are so scary. The only good thing was how Motoko-sempai had such a look of disdain on her face for the hero's in the story. After each story she would go through and point out all of the things that they should have done. She is so brave. Not like me. I ended up getting Keitaro into trouble when I freaked out and jumped into his arms. Everyone misunderstood and he got hurt. Why can't they understand that Keitaro wold never let anything bad happen to us? He is so strong. To come back here day after day, when he knows that he will get hurt. Keitaro is very brave.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	33. Entry 33

Entry 33

I don't know what happened. Keitaro... Why is Naru-sempai so angry at you? You didn't even do anything except try to be nice. So why was she so angry at you? She was one who went out with Kentaro-sempai today. She was the one who was constantly nagging you about the fact that she was going on a date with Kentaro-sempai. It was like she was trying to hurt you all day. You were so nice Keitaro. You smiled for her, even when I could see that your own heart was breaking. At supper when she was making digs about how good her date was you tried to be supportive. It was if she couldn't stand the thought of you being nice to her. She hurt you and ran crying to her room. She didn't even finish the dinner that I had made her. Mitsune seemed angry at you too. I don't understand what you did wrong. Oh Keitaro...

I went looking for Keitaro. He didn't come back after Naru-sempai hit him. I found him in the park crying. He didn't even have an umbrella to protect him from the rain. I tried to give him mine but he wouldn't accept it. While it rained in the park he poured out his soul to me. I knew most of it already. How he was trying to help and yet nothing ever worked out for him. When I reminded him that he had helped me, he just gave me a sad smile and told me that anyone else would have done the same thing. He wanted to just run away. After a long talk I convinced him to stay. Running away never seems to help. In the short run it is nice, but in the long run it never solves anything. It always caused Keitaro pain when I ran from his accidents. When I stopped I found that everything worked out without anything bad happening. I think that Keitaro knows it as well, deep down inside. I don't know if I could resist the temptation to run away for as long as he has. He is even trying to help me get over my shyness. Even today he took me on a date... Before Naru-sempai got back from her date. Oh Keitaro... Tomorrow I am going to go have a talk with Naru-sempai. She will listen to me. She has to.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	34. Entry 34

Entry 34

Nothing ever happens the way you want it to. I tried to talk to Naru-sempai today. She refused to do anything but call you down. She was acting so angry. This is the first time that I have ever had anyone yell at me like that. I tried to be brave and stand up for you Keitaro. She swore up and down how much that she hated you. I thought that everything had gone back to normal. When I came out of her room I met Mitsune-sempai. She wouldn't even explain to me what was going on. She normally is willing to talk about the relationship between Keitaro and Naru-sempai. Why has she become so quiet? It worries me more than all of Naru-sempai's yelling. The only people that seem unaffected are Su and Motoko-sempai. I went and talked to Motoko-sempai about what was going on. She didn't say too much and I got the feeling that she was trying to brush me off. Why is Keitaro the only one willing to talk to me? I'm not being fair I guess. Su is still talking to me. Maybe tomorrow I should ask her what she thinks of recent events. She is just so immature most of the time. Oh Keitaro... Sometimes I feel like me and you are the only sane ones here.

While I was studying with Keitaro today I told him what the teacher had said. He was so modest. I don't know why he had so much trouble getting into Tokyo University. Sometimes like he is just learning things for the first time. He learns them so fast. It confuses me. He is learning so fast while he is teaching me. I am beginning to understand some of the advanced math topics even. I never thought that I could do math. The question is, if he is this fast a learner why is it like he has never seen any of the material before? He is learning so fast that I can't understand how he managed to fail last year. Maybe he has trouble studying with Naru-sempai. That doesn't account for his first two failures however. I just wish that I had enough courage to ask him. Oh Keitaro... You are so kind and smart.

Good night Keitaro. I love you.


	35. Entry 35

Entry 35

Naru-sempai stormed off to school today. Normally Keitaro and Naru-sempai walk together, even when there are problems between them. Naru-sempai was acting like she didn't want to see Keitaro's face. She didn't even eat breakfast with us. Mitsune-sempai has calmed down a bit though. She was civil to me this morning. I wish that she wouldn't have been so cold to Keitaro though. I always thought that when Keitaro stopped having accidents everything would settle down. I guess that I was wrong. Everybody seems to be unhappy.

I talked to Su about what she thought of the situation. I was surprised at what she said. She had told me that Naru-sempai was mad at Keitaro because Keitaro wouldn't try to win her back. She also told me that unless something happened that Keitaro and Naru-sempai would break up. Then She grinned at me and told me that I could get married to Keitaro then. I was so embarrassed! What was really surprising was how she stated it like it was obvious. I thought that I had been able to hide the fact that I loved Keitaro from her. Does she know? Is she just guessing? I don't think I will ever be able to understand her. She even went on about how She and Keitaro and I could all get married together. I admit that I ran from the room. I just couldn't take it anymore. Keitaro ended up getting hurt because Motoko-sempai heard the end of what Su was say and got the wrong idea. Oh Keitaro... I am so confused.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	36. Entry 36

Entry 36

Tonight I talked to Keitaro about how he failed the exam. It was so hard to bring up. Oh Keitaro... If only I could have controlled my curiosity. I know that it is an embarrassing subject to talk about. I'm so sorry that I embarrassed you. Still. The answer that you gave me. About how you spent most of you life dreaming of your promised girl. How you wouldn't allow any girls to get close to you because you didn't want to lose your love for your promised girl. About how you would spend days dreaming of being with her. Of teaching yourself how to cook in case she couldn't. Of how you would spend you time in class dreaming of meeting her and not paying attention to the teacher. Of how happy you were when you thought that Naru-sempai was your promised girl. Of how you slowly came back to reality while you were here. How you found out that you could no longer afford to live in dreams. Of how Naru-sempai was so hard to study with. How she would never show you how to do the work. Of how she would just get upset at you and show you the answer. Of how for the first part of the year you couldn't study at all because we were working you too hard. I'm sorry Keitaro. Of how you teacher could see that you were paying attention and working hard this year. Of how your he gave you the idea of teaching somebody your work. How he said that you would probably be able to learn faster that way. Of how you wanted to help me with my math. How your two goals were parallel to each other. Oh Keitaro... We didn't get much studying done tonight but you looked so relieved to finally get that off of your shoulders. I never knew how hard it was for you Keitaro. I am so happy that I can help you.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	37. Entry 37

Entry 37

Mitsune-sempai and Naru-sempai had a fight. I don't know when it started but it seems to have been going on for quite a while. I hadn't noticed because I was spending so much time with Keitaro. I don't even know what the fight is about. When I tried to ask Mitsune-sempai all she did was mutter something about how it wasn't her fault that Keitaro was an idiot. I was too afraid to even talk to Naru-sempai. She seems to be angry lately. Yet, I can't help but feel sorry for her. Right now she has nobody to listen to her. I at least have Keitaro. She is afraid to talk to people, so she has to hold all of her problems inside. I wish that I knew a way that I could help her.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my conversation with Su the other day. I wonder if anyone else has guessed that I like Keitaro. Despite how energetic Su can act sometimes she show great insight. Is much as I want to be Keitaro's girlfriend, it would be embarrassing if everybody just saw me as some young girl with a crush on her landlord. I don't have a crush on Keitaro! No... Keitaro I love you. If it was a crush I would be blind to all of your shortcomings. I would refuse to acknowledge that you were rather silly to waste your classes dreaming about your premised girl. I would refuse to think about the fact that you are a man and sometimes you think about... the act, every now and then. I wouldn't remember how you lied to us when I first came here about being in Tokyo University. The thing is, I love not because of misguided hero worship. I love you because there is no maliciousness in you. You never try to hurt anybody. You take care of everybody even when they hurt you. You make other peoples problems your business, and you help them. Even if they turn on you, you are still there, helping them with the problems in there life. You get serious but never mad. That is why I love you. You are as close to an angel as I could see ever living on this earth. I want to be like you. That's why... That's why I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that I will never find a man that is as caring as you are.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	38. Entry 38

Entry 38

I saw Naru-sempai crying today. I was going down to the tea house to get some supplies. I saw her leaning up against the wall with a book in her arms crying. As I went to go see what was wrong the back door of the teahouse opened and Kentaro-sempai came out. When he saw Naru-sempai crying he went over to her. I thought that she would have knocked him flying so I was surprised when I heard him say the right things to calm her down. She ended up telling her troubles to him. I had never heard her side of the story before. I heard how upset she was that Keitaro had rejected her. How she was so afraid that she had lost him. I listened as she told Kentaro-sempai about Mitsune-sempai's plan to get him to come back to her by having her go on a date with another man. How she was so let down when the plan didn't work. How she felt that everybody was against her. Kentaro-sempai listened and consoled her. I think that he really does care for her. He might act odd at times but I think that he cares about Naru-sempai's happiness. He could have chosen many other girls to try to win over. There are many that were prettier. A few that were smarter. Yet in the end he chose Naru-sempai. He was even willing to give her up to Keitaro when he thought that she would be happier with Keitaro. He calmed her down. I suppose that he did learn something about how to talk to her after watching her for all these years. He said the right things to her to brighten her up. He even managed to convince her that everyone at the inn still liked her. I couldn't believe it, but he even went so far as to help her see that Keitaro wasn't trying to hurt her. I did notice that he didn't go so far as to make her think of getting back together with Keitaro. Is he trying to become her boyfriend again? I don't quite know how I feel about that Keitaro. I know that it would really hurt you. On the other hand though it will mean that you might finally notice me. Oh Keitaro... I don't know what to think about all of this.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	39. Entry 39

Entry 39

Oh Keitaro... It hurts me that I can't help you with your inner turmoil. I could see that you were happy when Naru-sempai cheered up. I was too. The entire inn seemed brighter today because Naru-sempai were back to normal. She went around and made up with us. I even forgive her for blaming everything on you. She wasn't trying to be hurtful or mean, you are just the easiest thing to blame problems on. I think that she even tried to make up with you. She was at least talking to you again at the dinner table. I was worried when I heard you get into trouble just before supper, but it seems to have worked out. And yet... Despite the fact that things have gone back to normal, for the most part anyway, I can see that It still hurts you. You still want to be with her don't you? I think that she wants to be with you too. Oh Keitaro... I saw resignation in her eyes when I was talking to her. I might be wrong, I only saw it for a second. Still I am sure that she regrets never having told you that she loves you. I wonder how she will act now? Will she stop hitting you every time she see's you with another girl? I hope so. It would be hard for us to become a couple if every time we went to hug she hit you.

I think that Su has figured out that I like Keitaro. She showed me a law book in which she had circled all of the loophole's needed for me to get married to Keitaro. She was using all kinds of weird things that I had never heard of. For some of the loopholes she would need her brothers help. I can't believe that she managed to figure out that I liked Keitaro. I really hope that she doesn't tell the other girls. It would be the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. The only thing worse would be if she told Keitaro. I will tell him... Just... Oh Keitaro... I want to do it in my own time. I'm not sure that I am brave enough to tell you that I love you and have you reject me. I don't think that I could stand it. Maybe if you ever love me as a woman I will be brave enough to tell you. But not now. You just don't even think of me. Oh how I wish that you would. Oh Keitaro...

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	40. Entry 40

Entry 40

It was Saturday today so Keitaro took me out. We went for a walk in the park. It was quite a nice day, everything seemed so bright. It was such a contrast to what you were feeling Keitaro. Will you ever get over your depression? You tried to be happy for me, but I could tell that you weren't. I wish that there was some way that I could cheer you up. Every time I tried to complement you, you seemed to get more depressed. Do you really think so little of yourself? You're such a wonderful person and you don't even realize it. Our conversation kept coming back to recent events. How you thought that Naru-sempai had been in love with Seta-sempai, but when you tried to let her go back to Seta-sempai she ran to Kentaro-sempai. How this made you wonder what was going on. I wish I could have been brave enough to tell you Keitaro. I am really sorry. I just... couldn't do it. It felt like I would be betraying Naru-sempai's trust in me.

Things have really calmed down at the inn. Keitaro didn't get sent flying at all today. Instead he managed to do everything right. Now that Naru-sempai is leaving him alone he seems to get into less trouble. I think that Su understands that Keitaro needs some time to himself. She didn't pester him at all today. Motoko-sempai seems to leave him alone except when his bad luck hits. It seems like he is overcoming it. Or is he? Oh Keitaro... I just realized. Could your bad luck be manifesting itself in a different form? In mental anguish instead of physical pain? What happened to you that nothing ever goes right for you? Why? Why are you always doomed to suffer? Oh Keitaro... I wish I could help. Maybe Motoko-sempai will be able to give me some idea's.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	41. Entry 41

Entry 41

I took some time and talked to Motoko-sempai today. I didn't get much out of her before she realized that I was talking about Keitaro and tried to tell me that he was a pervert. I'm not even sure I understood what she said. I wrote it down:

If the soul of a person is focussed on a goal the person will start to give off Ki. This Ki is not given off consciously, and most people will not even realize that they are giving it off. The Ki will help them to achieve their goal. I will manifest itself in many ways. Protecting the person from attack that would kill them, allowing them to move faster, giving them more concentration, making them fail at things that they should succeed at. If the persons will fails however, the effects will remain. Only now all the negative aspects will be amplified. Hold on, you are thinking about Keitaro. He is ju

I can kind of see what might of happened to Keitaro, but I am not sure yet. I may be far off. I think that I will ask my teacher if she knows any books about it. I have been doing so well lately that I am sure that she will give me a hand. Keitaro looks so at peace when he is studying. When he teaches me he is so animated. He seems to completely forget all of his problems.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	42. Entry 42

Entry 42

I talked to my teacher today. She gave me a book on the principles of Ki. It was from her own private collection. I kept it from everybody. They might guess that I had something to hide, but never something as important as this. I went to bed early and spent my time working through the book. I now understand exactly what Motoko-sempai was telling me. I found a chapter on similar cases and read it. As far as I can tell, Keitaro will slowly lose all of the positive things that his Ki is giving him. This includes his immortality! The loss of concentration has totally disrupted his Ki. Right now he is feeling very negative so his Ki is slowly shifting into the negative, rather than returning to normal. Unless something happens he will die. I need to help him. I don't think that anybody in this house would listen to me. Motoko-sempai is too cold. Naru-sempai is too unforgiving. Kitsune-sempai is too playful. Su is... Su. Keitaro wouldn't even believe that he could have Ki in the first place. Besides, telling him that he is going to die won't cheer him up. What can I do? I need to take Keitaro's mind off of his problems with Naru-sempai. Ideally the best way to do that would be to get him a girlfriend. I can't think of who though. I remember that I said that I would fight for Keitaro, but this is more important than that. I don't know where Mutsumi-sempai is, or how to contact her, and I don't think that any of the other girls would be interested in Keitaro. I would be the ideal choice, objectively speaking. I already love him, so I need no convincing. He also already enjoys spending time with me so I wouldn't have to worry about him being depressed when he was with me. The only thing wrong is that he doesn't see me as his equal. He see's me as just a child, with no understanding of what love is. If he could see me as an equal I'm sure that I might have a chance to win his heart. I have to find a way to show him that I am mature enough to be his girlfriend. I will sleep on it.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you


	43. Entry 43

Entry 43

I couldn't believe it. I found all of my cooking alcohol gone. I checked with Mitsune-sempai first. She wasn't even drunk! I started looking all over the inn. I couldn't find it. I even asked Keitaro to help me search. I checked all of the dangerous areas while he checked the tunnels. Neither of us could find it anywhere. Keitaro and I went and bought some more, but it delayed supper quite a while. What I don't understand is where it could have gone. Nobody drinks it. It costs more than normal alcohol, and I only had a little left anyway. Barely enough for a cup. Who would have taken it? I would have smelled it if it had gotten spilled by accident. I hope that this doesn't happen again. It caused quite a bit of trouble, and it still bothers me that we didn't figure out what happened to it.

I haven't figured out a way to help Keitaro realize that I could be his girlfriend. Instead I have decided to help him with problems in other areas of his life. I managed to take a look at the accounts of the inn. I copied them done when Keitaro wasn't in his room. I know that it would bother him if he thought that I was trying to help him. He really is too nice a person. When I looked at the accounts I saw that a lot of rent was owing. The first thing that I did was I went to Su. She gave me the rent in her currency. She eventually gave it to me in real currency after I told her the reason. I don't think she understood what I was saying but she seemed to realize that it was serious. I put the money in a little envelope which I labelled 'Su' and left it on his bed for him to find. I wish that I could see his face when he finds it. I even left the money sticking out a bit so that he could see that it wasn't some sort of trick. He'll be so happy!

Good night Keitaro. I will save you


	44. Entry 44

Entry 44

Things are continuing to disappear. Today the garbage was empty and everyone said that they hadn't dumped it. I don't mind that the garbage was missing but I can't help but worry about what is causing it. I talked to Keitaro about it as we walked back from his training. He said that it reminded him of Su's gigantic Mecha-Tama incident. That time the Mecha-Tama only took metal though. Keitaro… Could Su be trying to make a biological Mecha-Tama? I hope not. The last one was hard enough to deal with. I'm sure that we will come up with something. Su said that she wanted to show me something tomorrow. Maybe that will solve the mystery.

I managed to get the rent from Mitsune-sempai today. I don't think she knew how to handle me. She seems to have a set way for getting out of it when it is Keitaro. She tried to brush me off. I knew that I was bothering her, but Keitaro's face this morning when he came downstairs was wonderful. He thanked Su when he got the chance but Su didn't betray me. She just said something random about food. It was strange though, she didn't do any of her normal kicks to Keitaro. Could she understand the situation? Once Mitsune-sempai found out that she couldn't brush me off she tried to embarrass me by making fun of my love for Keitaro. I thought that that was rather mean of her. I suppose that normally I would have ran away, but I was doing this for you Keitaro. I eventually got her to hand over her rent for the last month. She didn't have enough to pay all that she owed you. Still… You won't have to worry about money anymore Keitaro.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	45. Entry 45

Entry 45

Somebody has been reading my diary. I always leave it face down under my underwear. Today it was face up. I wouldn't have noticed except the motions for getting it are a habit. I ended opening it to the back page instead of the front. Who could have read my diary? Who would want to? I don't think that I will be able to face anybody tomorrow. One of them will know all of my thoughts. I bet they will just see me as a melodramatic, little girl with a crush on a pervert. They'll make sure that Keitaro will never see me again. Oh Keitaro… What am I going to do. I'm the only one in the house that is able to help you. If I am forced to leave you'll… you'll die! …Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I just put it in wrong last night because I was tired. If somebody did read it there is nothing that I can do now but wait for tomorrow.

It happened again. This time it was a knife and spoon that have gone missing. Alcohol, garbage, silverware… Why would anybody take them? None of them are worth much. My frying pan is worth more! I can't help but think that Su has something to do with it. She is the only one who hasn't given me a straight answer on it yet. On top of that she wasn't able to show me her thing today. She said that it was taking her longer than expected to work things out. Whatever that means. Su is so exasperating sometimes.

I got rent from Motoko-sempai today. It was actually really easy. When I asked why she hadn't paid the rent she simply answered that Keitaro hadn't asked. I was sure that he had. After one of our study sessions he had gone to talk to her just before he had an accident. Could that have prevented him from collecting the rent? Motoko-sempai can be scary sometimes. I could see why he would be cautious about asking her a second time. Especially since he got hit out of the inn the first time he tried. Don't worry Keitaro. I'll take care of collecting the rent for you. The way that you are trying to find out who is helping you without asking anybody is quite cute.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	46. Entry 46

Entry 46

I guess that I over reacted. Nobody said anything about my diary at all. Nobody even acted different towards me. The only person who is acting even a little odd was Su. She said that it was an accident but she saved Keitaro from Motoko-sempai when she was mad today. First time I can remember that one of her inventions getting in the way of a blast to protect somebody, especially Keitaro. Motoko-sempai wasn't too impressed when Keitaro got hit by a pillow and pushed out of the hot spring instead of getting hit with a full power Ki blast. I was happy though. What is with Su anyway. She hasn't done anything that would hurt Keitaro at all. Not that I am complaining! It just seems so unlike her. I am really glad that no one read my diary though. I think that I will hide it better tonight.

The disappearances have stopped just as suddenly as they began. Su told me to have fun today. She also said to meet her outside her room tomorrow night at ten o'clock. I am sure that she was the cause of the disappearances. I wonder what she wants to show me? I hope it isn't anything dangerous.

I collected the rent from Naru-sempai today. It took a long time because she had misplaced it. When I asked her why she hadn't paid it already she gave a vague answer about not having her money with her and then forgetting. She spent a long time looking and we ended up going to the bank so that she could withdraw the amount from her account. It took two hours to do. Still, I got it done. I hope that it is enough. I have been wondering if I should get a job and start paying rent myself. I'm sure that I could serve at Haruka-sempai's tea house. I could probable get enough money together to pay the rent. I don't have any money anyway, so I would have no trouble putting it all away. Still, it will be hard when I am in school. Maybe during the summer I will do it. I will have enough time then. I might even make enough to back pay all of the rent that I missed. If I can keep your finances in good shape and Su keep's being nice to you, you should recover soon Keitaro. Just hang in there and we will help you. You've helped us enough.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	47. Entry 47

Entry 47 

What a long, long, day. Who would have thought that I would ever have even a small chance to be granted my hearts desire? Who would have thought that the price would be this high? The day started normal enough. Keitaro and I went for a shopping trip. Not much of a date, but I still got to be with him. How a day can change ones perspective. It was a nice day. We talked. I even told him that I had been the one to collect the rent. The look on his face. He stuttered a bit. He was worried about me. He didn't think that I should risk myself to protect him. He would be beside himself if he knew what I was about to do. Still, he needs our help. Otherwise he will die. I have given everything to not let that happen.

I found out what Su was doing. She had found a room in the inn where time almost stops when the door is closed. A day in the room is only a single second outside of it. At first she was going to use it as a garbage disposal. Then she thought that maybe I could use it to catch up to Keitaro. She gathered everything that she thought that I would need. A computer with the entire high school curriculum on it, her machine for waiting out disasters, books, a bed, and like. She had everything sitting outside of the room waiting for me. All I had to do was decide to accept her offer. I wonder if she really understands how hard it will be. She acted like it was just another experiment. I don't think that I will ever understand her. She is just to foreign. Still I am thankful I think. When I come out of here he will see me as a woman, not as a girl. I am sacrificing four years of my life in hopes pf saving Keitaro. Yet what else can I do for a man that would gladly give his life just to see me happy? Goodbye Keitaro. Goodbye Naru-sempai. Goodbye Mitsune-sempai. Goodbye Motoko-sempai. Goodbye Tama-chan. Goodbye Su. I'm going to miss you all. People In our family commonly live to be ninety, what is four years compared to that? What is four years compared to somebody's life? I said that I would do anything to be with Keitaro. Now I just have to prove it.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you


	48. Entry 48

Entry 48

I've been in here for only one day and already I want out. Nothing happens, I get no exercise, all I can do is read and do school work. Keitaro isn't even here to help me. I was just looking at how much room I have left in the diary and it won't last. Not for four years! Oh Keitaro… I wish you were here. It's so hard to understand this without you there explaining it and asking questions to make sure that I understood it. Why did it turn out like this? No! I am doing this to save you. If I can hold out for… Four more years? I'm already going crazy! What good would it do anybody if I went crazy? No! I will save you Keitaro. This is the only way. I will not let you down.

I worked for a long time today on the food maker and found out that it only produced substances that are banana flavoured. I would have laughed, if it wasn't that I will have to eat this stuff for a long time. I think that I could grow to hate the taste of banana's. When I get out of here I will have to talk to Su about this. Su… You're a good friend… But sometimes I wish that you would show some common sense. I guess I'll just have to take things a day at a time. I think that I will wait a week before I write in this diary again. It's not like anything is happening any time soon. I really do need to conserve paper. This is the only thing that I have to remember Keitaro by.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	49. Entry 49

Entry 49

I have started working out. It is the only way that I am able to sleep at night. It took me a while to figure that out. When I start to get bored I go through an exercise routine that I learned in school. It includes push-ups as well as running. I don't have much room to run so I have started running on the spot. Another technique that we learned. It's funny, I never really liked gym. Not it is one of the few things that is keeping me sane. The other is the stories. There are thousands of them on the computer. I have found quite a few that I enjoy and read them after I have finished my school work. I have even begun to develop a routine of sorts. In the morning I get up and do 5 of each exercise. Then I make myself a banana milkshake health drink. I can't fault Su on the number of ways that you can prepare this mush. I sit down and read through a days worth of work. I correct the stuff that I had done the day before for homework. Then I do the days homework. I didn't even stop for the weekend. It's keeping me from boredom. After that is done I read a book though and make myself supper. I do 5 more of each exercise and then I go to bed. The exercises tire me out enough that I can fall asleep reasonably fast. I am lonely though… I wish you were here Keitaro. I would even welcome Tama-chan. All I have is a computer. I don't even know how to do much other than what Su showed me. Mainly do lessons and look at books. Oh Keitaro… School is so hard. I had almost forgotten how hard it was before I met you. You made it so easy. Still I am muddling along. Maybe if I work hard and don't take any vacations I can complete high school while I am in here. Not like I have much choice. It would be silly for a women to be going to school. And it is keeping my mind off the loneliness. Oh Keitaro… I am so depressed. I hadn't even thought about much of this until I took out my diary. I'll… I don't think that I will write in here again for a while. Maybe on the one month anniversary of entering this place. Still, No matter how bad it gets I will be here for you Keitaro. I think that I might be the only one who is able to help you. Maybe when I get out of here we will be able to find happiness together. 

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	50. Entry 50

Entry 50

I think that Su is a lot smarter than she let's on. I've had a lot of time to think it over and I noticed that it was shortly after I told Su what I had found out about Keitaro that things started going missing. In fact it was only later that afternoon. After that point she started protecting Keitaro. I don't know why I didn't see it before. Maybe she did read my diary. She might have checked every bodies to see who would be most effective at cheering Keitaro up. No… That can't be it. I've been down here too long. I've started to imagine things. Still, I'm sure that she has a lot more common sense then she let's on. I've found that even though she made everything taste like banana she also made it so that there were many different ways to prepare it. I still am looking foreword to real food when I get out of here in… In three years and eleven months? I can't do this. I just can't last that long. If it was only a year Keitaro I might have been able to… No. I will not fail. Keitaro needs me, and If what I have guessed about Su is right she is counting on me too. Four years of solitude so that the man I love may live. That's not a bad trade is it? Then why do I feel so bad? I need your help Keitaro. I am having too much trouble with my work. I am just barely able to keep up, even though I work through the weekends. Oh Keitaro…

I now spend fifteen minutes running on the spot and complete 15 of each of the workouts both in the mourning and in the evening. I can feel that I am getting in better shape. Strange to think that I will be in better shape when I come out of here than I was when I went in. I didn't think that I would ever be this fit. It is really becoming a problem. It is taking longer and longer to tire myself out each night. I am having less and less time to read. I only read half of a story now. The rest of the time I put to school and working out. I hope that you aren't upset when you see how unfeminine I look Keitaro. I have to give myself sponge bathes because I don't have a shower. My hair is all messed up from the haircut I tried to give myself. Oh Keitaro… What would you think if you saw me like this? What am I thinking? You'd care for us no matter how we looked.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	51. Entry 51

Entry 51

One year to the day. Just over one hour in the real world. I haven't used this diary for such a long time. I did it. I completed the entire years worth of work. The more I do the easier it seems to get. I imagine Keitaro standing over my shoulder smiling at me. Asking me the questions that I need to review. Making sure that I know the work. I will make the four years. I have already come this far. I maxed out my exercises at a one hour run and a hundred of each exercise type. This is for each work out. Both in the morning and in the evening. There are no days down here. The only thing that warns me that it is time to get up is the computer beeping at me. I go to bed at a decent hour. For the last while I have been living in almost a dream world. I know every motion I am going to make so I don't have to think about it. Instead I spend my time recalling the time I spent with Keitaro at the inn. I must have been exaggerating in my diary. There is no way most of that could have happened. Yet… I still feel that Keitaro is someone worth fighting for. Then again, the very fact that the place were I live exist contradicts a lot of the things that I have learned from my texts. Could it really have happened the way I remember? I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night feeling the pain that I felt so long ago. This… Keitaro! Is everything the way I remember it? At anytime I could just open the door and walk out. Yet… somehow I am afraid to. I don't know why. Maybe I have grown used to this life of solitude and dreams. Maybe I don't want to face reality anymore. This is fine for now… But what about when the day comes for me to leave? Will I even be able to? No. I am doing this for Keitaro. I will help him. If even half of what I remember is real than he needs me.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you. 


	52. Entry 52

Entry 52

It's been a month and a half since I last wrote in this journal. I decided to try something different today. Instead of reading I started meditating. I don't know if it will help me any. Still, I have to do something. I have started talking to Keitaro as if he was standing just behind me. It has become so vivid that I am afraid that I am losing my mind. I really noticed it because I had to write an essay on mental health. I show many signs of being insane. Seeing things that aren't there. Having other personalities that I talk to… I decided to try meditating. I found that there was quite a bit of information hidden in the library on the computer. It said that it would help clear my mind and help me be more rational. It might be my last hope. I don't want to go crazy… How can I help you Keitaro if I can't stay sane?

Meditating seems to be working. My mind seems clearer as I am writing this, more grounded in reality. I suppose that it is good thing that I'm don't have time to read any more. I was beginning to have trouble finding stories that I was interested in. I found meditating more relaxing than I thought that it would be. I was able to clear my mind. I didn't find it boring like I expected to. I… I remember who I was when I came in here. Have I changed? Will Keitaro still like me the way I am? Who knows. I can only try. If I don't try to help then I'm no better than those that try to hurt him.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	53. Entry 53

Entry 53

This is a week after my last entry into this diary. The meditation has worked. The Hallucinations are gone. I have a clear memory of why I am here. And oh Keitaro… I'm sorry. I slipped there. I almost failed you. I didn't know how weak I was. I knew that this wouldn't be easy, but I never thought that I would go crazy. There is some kind of weird draw to letting myself slip back into fantasies again. I am able to resist them only through my meditation. It's strange. I always saw meditation as something for wise people or warriors to do. I never saw it of a way of keeping yourself from going crazy. Did you feel the same way before you came to the inn? I remember you telling me once that sometimes you'd daydream and lose concentration. You also failed prep school because of your daydreaming. Was it loneliness that drove you to that extreme? Yet for most of the time that I have known you, you seem to be a fairly normal person. A wonderful person who would do anything to help anybody. A person who would always give a person the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. But not somebody who was crazy. Maybe living at the inn changed you for the better too. I think that your Ki was going to end up killing you one way or another. Either you were going to go crazy from loneliness, or your going to get killed by one of your accidents. I will save you. I can help you with what little I know. I'm sure that if you started meditating it would help you. Then again maybe not. I can't control my Ki. I can barely keep my mind in check. Oh Keitaro… At least when I get out of here I will be sane. I will be able to help you.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	54. Entry 54

Entry 54

One and a half years gone. I am writing this entry to record what has been happening in the past little while. I have been starting to be able to feel my body when I meditate. I can feel the energy flowing through me. Is it Ki? I really don't know. However when I sit and meditate I can almost see my body. I can even see abstractly where my knees are uncomfortable on the floor. I have also started noticing that I can slightly change the flow of energies. I don't know if I am just imagining it or not but it seems to be effective at removing any aches and pains that I get from working out. I can see points on my body that seem to give out a distressed appearance and I try to calm them down and comfort them. It seems to help anyway.

This isn't new, it has been going on for a week and a half. I figured that I should record it. My memory of when it started seems clear right now, but it probably will become so common that I would like to have a record of when it started. I wonder if I could see Keitaro in this way? It would be quite interesting. Maybe I can teach you how to do this when I get out of here Keitaro. It might help you after you have an accident.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	55. Entry 55

Entry 55

This entry comes about a month after my last entry. I have started to be able to feel Su outside of my room when I meditate. She looks so strange. I can't understand most of the things that I see. She looks almost like three separate people. On top I feel a lot of playfulness and exactly what I would have expected from Su. Beside that, if I can describe it that way, is her adult self. If shines with power and desires that I find very strange. The third is the most interesting though. The first two are like masks. The third is behind them, and yet, more complete, more real. From it I can only sense a few things. Great understanding, great worry, a touch of sadness. This one feel so mature it is hard to believe that Su would ever act or think like it. Yet, maybe she does. When people are mad she tends to do just the right thing to make them burst out laughing. She might have done that on purpose. I know that she doesn't want to have to act grown up. Maybe she hides this side of herself from us because she is afraid of how we will treat her. I wish that I could help her. Maybe I can think of a way before I leave. I really do have all the time in the world.

I wonder if I will ever be able to feel Keitaro. I think that I should be able to eventually. I wonder what he will feel like? I can't help but worry slightly. I trust him, but all of us have secrets that if others guessed would make them look bad in others eyes. For instance my love for Keitaro. If anybody had guessed it before I went in here they would have laughed at me for just having a crush. They would have looked down on me. If they did realize that I actually do love Keitaro they would think that I have some strange complex for older men and would treat me like I was crazy. Still… I'm sorry Keitaro. My curiosity is too strong. I can't help but wonder how you feel.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	56. Entry 56

Entry 56

I noticed that when I concentrate on doing physical things they get easier. I can go into a near meditation like state while I am working out. I took today off from my work to test it out. I managed to do over four hundred one handed push ups. It wasn't even that I was getting tired. It was just that I could feel my concentration slipping. When I stopped I almost passed out. My hand wasn't tired, but it seemed like my mind was. Is there anything else that I can do while I'm in this meditation like state? Maybe I can figure out a way protect Keitaro from the results of his accidents. I can't seem to affect anything outside of my body. Maybe I could try to find a way to make my body resistant to the attacks and then stand in the way? No, I would never get there in time. I have to figure out a way to move faster. That way I could push Keitaro out of the way of one of the attacks. I think that's what I will try to work on Keitaro. I might be able to do something If I was faster so I will learn how to become faster. I hope that you don't think that I am some sort of freak when you see me again. No, even if the rest of the world saw me as a freak you would still accept me. You are just that understanding.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	57. Entry 57

Entry 57

This entry marks the halfway point. It's been two years since I entered this room. Looking back the time has seemed to be less than what actually is. I have made major strides in my school work. I am have just finished the work for the third year. I've changed a lot since I've been here. I don't have as much trouble with my school work as before. I am definitely stronger than when I came in. Isn't it silly Keitaro? Being locked up in a small room has made me more fit than when I had lots of room to exercise. I meditate instead of worrying so much. One thing hasn't changed though. I still love Keitaro. I still am working to save him. I am not in here for any other reason.

Two other things have happened to me. The first is that I have been teaching myself to think of Motoko as Motoko, and not Motoko-Sempai. I still find it strange that I am her equal in how much we know. She is still older than me, but that won't be the case when I leave here. This is going to confuse everybody Keitaro. I have trouble thinking as myself as Motoko's equal. The second thing that happened is that my clothes have completely disintegrated. I don't have any left. Su's Machine only distributes toilet paper. Not very much help in keeping myself clothed. I've been naked so long that I am no longer embarrassed by it. I hope that this doesn't lead to any bad situations when I leave. Oh Keitaro… It would be so embarrassing if you saw me naked because I forgot to put on clothes when I got up. It would likely hurt you so much. I hope that nothing bad comes of this.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	58. Entry 58

Entry 58

I have figured out a way to get the machine to make a cloth like substance. I put some time experimenting with the different types of food substances that I could get the machine to produce. It took me a while, but I now have a type of food that comes in thin sheets and doesn't feel bad to wear. It isn't as tough as real fabric, but when it wears out I can always make more. I'm going to put some time into making myself some dresses. The only thing that's really wrong is that because everything is banana flavoured I could only make cloth that was different shades of yellow. It feels weird to know that my clothes are edible. Still, it's the best way to keep in practice.

I have begun to be able to feel Keitaro at the very edge of my perception when I am meditating. All I can feel is peacefulness. I guess that is understandable. He is probable asleep. Outside I think that it must be around midnight. I don't remember the exact hour that I entered this room. Even when I meditate on it I come up a blank. I know that it was around ten o'clock, but the exact time I have no idea. Su has shifted. She finished walking over to something and sitting down. It's weird to watch her take a week to take a single breath. Still, I don't feel as lonely when I reach out and touch her and Keitaro. Even in here they help me. Oh Keitaro… I love you.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	59. Entry 59

Entry 59

I finally was able to see Keitaro. All around him there was a dark cloud of Ki. There is some brightness in it. Not very much, but some. I could see that this Ki was slowly being driven by his soul to become darker and darker, slowly killing him. Yet for all of the darkness attacking him, he shines. He is like a beacon of love, and warmth. All of his anger is directed at himself. He has no malice in him at all. Yet in all of this bright love and kindness I can see that he is very hurt emotionally. I can't tell everything that is wrong, but it seems that he is turning all of his anger that would normally be directed at others into himself. He seems to have none of the protection that Su and I have against others anger. The only thing that seems to keep him going is a part of him that refuses to give in to despair. That forces him to believe that things will turn out for the best. He has a will that seems unconquerable balanced by a total lack of respect towards himself. I can see that at one point the was focused, but now all of that focus seems to be gone and he seems to trying to muddle through and getting more and more down on himself every time that he fails others. Oh Keitaro… I have told you for so long that you are a good person. Why can't you see that in yourself. Do you really think so little of yourself? The only thing that seems to drive you to move forward is the hope that you will be able to help others. Can't you see that you already have? you've helped more than anyone else ever will. You have changed all of our lives for the better. Keitaro… When I get out I am going to show you just how good of a person that you really are. At this rate you are going to kill yourself. Maybe not consciously, but your Ki will do just as an effective job as if you had gone and committed suicide. Keitaro… I will show you that life is worth living, not just to help others, but for yourself.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	60. Entry 60

Entry 60

I finally found a way that I can help Keitaro when he has an accident. I was in a meditation like state trying to force myself to go from a dead stop to a full run in the least amount of time possible. It was quite hard because the room is so cramped that I need to be able to stop just as fast. It is really hard to do. I was deep in the meditation-like state when suddenly instead of running I was able to slide myself slowly forward just by concentrating hard. It was really hard and I was exhausted by the whole ordeal. The thing is, moving took no time. I had a clock on the computer and was measuring the time it took me to cross the room. While I was moving however the clock on the computer stopped. I was unable to repeat it until after I had rested for a while, but when I did it confirmed my guess. I had moved from one place to another instantaneously. It takes a lot of concentration and greatly tires my out. Still… If I am able to be able to hold it for longer periods this might be exactly the way to help Keitaro. If he was about to get hurt I could slide over and pull him out of the way. I will need to practice this but I think that it will work.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	61. Entry 61

Entry 61

Slipping isn't as easy as I thought that it would be. I've been working on it for a couple months now, and I have found that there are quiet a few limitations to it. I can't change directions or move my body while slipping. The farther I go the more tiring it is. I find it is easier to make several short slips that one long one. One I stop a slip it takes me a couple moments to start another one. Still, after I have managed to finally slip back and forth across the room ten times in a row. I can feel that I have hit a brick wall though. My progression has been getting steadily slower since I started. I don't think that I will be able to improve much more after this. Not that I will stop practicing. It has become a part of my workout. It's just that I have now done all that I can think to do to be ready to help Keitaro when I get out of here.

Only one year and two months left to go. Then I can finally leave this place. Even using meditation my memories are beginning to get blurry on the details of what was happening the day that I left. I can't help but think of how strange it will look to everybody. One morning I'll get up and forget everything that has been going on. Maybe they'll think that I'm from the future. I don't look to different from when I left. I'm a little taller now than I was, but not to much. My figure hasn't changed that much either. I still don't look anything like Naru-sempai or Mistune-sempai. I wonder if Keitaro will find me attra What am I thinking? I shouldn't be thinking those thoughts. I guess that I still need to work at controlling myself. In the last while strange thoughts have been popping up in my head. I think that I might need to meditate more.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	62. Entry 62

Entry 62

One year left. I threw a small party today. I can't believe it. I'm now the same age as Motoko. I have completed my high school. I just finished yesterday. The exams were hard, but not as hard as I thought that they would be. I guess that I got ahead because I worked all summer. The real question is, now what do I do? Do I just sit and meditate all day? I guess so. I'll have time to start reading again. Tomorrow I start a new schedule. I'll have time to start reading or experimenting. Maybe I'll finally be able to make something other than this banana stuff. I am really getting tired of bananas.

I have started to feel Mitsune at the edge of my awareness. It won't be long before I will be able to see her. I don't think that I will look at her. I looked at Su because I was still getting used to this power. I really shouldn't have. Then I looked at Keitaro because he is the one that I am trying to save. I feel like I was wrong to do that as well. So I have decided that I am not going to spy on anymore of my friends. I think that they should have the right to privacy. I wouldn't want somebody staring into my soul. Still, now that I can sense them I might be able to warn Keitaro not to go somewhere where he might have an accident. I can also find people easier when I call them to supper. …I hope that my cooking skills haven't gotten worse since I have been in here. All I have to practice on is banana paste. I hope that I don't make you all sick with my cooking when I get out.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	63. Entry 63

Entry 63

The computer died today. I only have to more months to go but I wish that it could have lasted. I wish that Su was here. She could figure out how to fix it. I tried but I don't know enough about computers to do anything with it. I hope that Su isn't too upset with me for breaking her computer. Right now she has come to stand outside of the door. I can understand why. I will be opening it in only another minute from her point of reference. I was looking back in my diary and I found that I had made a mistake. Only forty-eight minutes will have passed, not the four hours like I originally figured. I guess that I was pretty out of it when I wrote that entry. I was seeing hallucinations everywhere. I hope that it never happens to me again. At the time I enjoyed it, but looking back it frightens me. Still, it won't be long till I leave. I think that I will spend most of my time meditating. The only person that I have left to feel is Motoko, and I can just sense her at the edge of my perception. I can feel everyone else, even Tama-chan. She is just outside of Keitaro's room. I can't wait to be able to see you again Keitaro. I can sense you, but I'd like to see you again. I hope that you won't be to worried about me. I don't regret what I did. I need to save you Keitaro. I love you to much to be able to lose you.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	64. Entry 64

Entry 64

Tomorrow I leave here. I can't wait to see Keitaro's face again. I'm very worried though. What will everybody at the in think of me? I won't be as good at cooking as used to be. I can barely remember where everything is in the inn. I hope that they don't get too upset with me. I hope that Keitaro won't worry too much. Oh Keitaro… I hate to say this but as much as I want to go out I am afraid of what might happen. I think that I have become too comfortable just meditating every day and working out. I am worried that my dreams will be shattered. This is the first place that I have ever really been accepted. I worry that I won't be accepted anymore. I worry that everybody will view me as a freak. I have tried to put on a strong face, but I worry that Keitaro will turn all of his anger at himself towards me. I suppose that it would achieve what I am trying to accomplish, but I don't think that I could live if Keitaro hated me. I would have to borrow Motoko's sword. Oh Keitaro… Please find it in your heart to forgive me. Maybe one day you will learn to accept me. I think that I can help you now. I can teach you how to meditate. We used to work well enough together that I think that you could master it quickly. I'm sure that you could figure out someway to remove the darkness of the Ki that surrounds you. I started this with the dream that I would grow up and you would accept me as your girlfriend. I understand now that that is impossible. But as long as I can save you, and you don't hate me, these four years will not have been wasted in my eyes. Even if you do hate me, I will be happy to know that I managed to save you.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	65. Entry 65

Entry 65

I am so embarrassed. I can't believe that… that… I hugged Keitaro. I was just so happy to see him again. I couldn't wait. After I had finished saying hello to Su, I rushed over to Keitaro's room I had just meant to take a quick peek at him sleeping, but I saw that he wasn't in his room. I was just about to start meditating to find him when he walked up behind me. I think that he thought that he was seeing things. He rubbed his eyes and asked if I was Shinobu. I couldn't help myself. I hugged him. It had been so long since I had last seen him. When I came to my senses Keitaro was looking stunned. I was so embarrassed that I slipped out his window and back into my room. I just couldn't sleep, so I went through all of my exercises. Why did I feel so warm when I was hugging him? Oh Keitaro… What must you think of me now?

I decided that I would leave around the same time that was in the real world. Su's survival device had a clock on it, so I still knew what time it was, even with the computer broken. I spent most of the time making myself presentable. I left my hair long, but I did give myself a sponge bath. I put on a pair of clothes that I had not worn before and made sure to do nothing but sit and meditate. When I opened the door Su was standing in front of it with a slightly worried expression that on her face. I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been watching so closely because the next instant It was gone. She was acting bouncy and happy. I gave her a quick account of what had happened. She led me through the secret tunnels and back up to the rest of the inn. We left the door open so that things wouldn't disintegrate. Su wanted me so show her slipping, but I was to embarrassed to do it in front of her. After we parted ways to go to bed, I went to have a quick look at Keitaro and… At least he didn't get hurt.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	66. Entry 66

Entry 66 

I really have forgotten about how the inn ran. I got up as usual and did my exercises. The thing is, is that they take a long time to complete. On top of that I had not got to sleep till late last night. By the time I came down to make breakfast it was already on the table and I could hear the other residents talking about me. Keitaro was telling them about how he had seen a woman that looked like me standing in front of his room. And how she had just vanished into thin air. The others clearly didn't believe him. Everybody was worried about why I wasn't up yet. Keitaro was going to take my breakfast to me when I walked into the kitchen. The next few minutes were a blur. People asking who I was, trying to explain to them that I was Shinobu, having them ask what had happened to me. I just couldn't stand it anymore and slipped out of the kitchen, and down a hallway. I could hear the cries of surprise behind me. I was thankful for Su then. She explained what had happened in a very general sense. Over the shocked gasps I heard Keitaro asking why that I would agree to such a thing. Naru got mad and hit Keitaro through the wall calling him an idiot. Oh Keitaro… I did this to help you but it seems like I've hurt you even more. I couldn't face them for the rest of the day. I made lunch and supper but made sure that I was long gone before anybody showed up to eat it. I haven't even gone back to my room yet. I'm still trying to sort out all of the things that have been happening.

It's been four years… Four years! Yet for everybody else it wasn't even an hour. I guess that I kind of knew this, I just never realized the full consequences until today. To them I must seem strange, completely different from the girl that they used to know. Yet for me, I remember them perfectly, they haven't changed at all. I don't even remember what was going on before I left. When Keitaro came around looking for me to study with him I didn't even know what he was talking about. I had to look back through my diary to find out that we used to study a lot together before I left. Tomorrow I have school. I don't even know how that's going to work. Will they even believe that I am Shinobu? What will I do in school now? It's not like I need to go to high school anymore. If anything I need a prep school. One of the dreams that I had was of going to university with Keitaro. To do that… Oh Keitaro… Tomorrow I'll explain it all to you. I just hope that you won't be mad. I hope that you will let me help you.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you


	67. Entry 67

Entry 67

Keitaro hates me. I can tell. He has started avoiding me. He won't meet my eyes. There is no need to even check his soul using meditation. Not that I would anyway. I've sworn to myself not to do to people without their permission. I got up early this morning to explain what I had done. I found him in the kitchen making breakfast again. I took over and told him everything about what had happened while I was in the room. I didn't want to worry him over his death, so I neglected to tell him why. I thought that he was taking it well until he tripped with a kettle of hot water and spilled the scalding stuff all down my body. My clothes disintegrated into mush when the water hit them, they were only an odd form of banana paste, and started to burn my skin. I could feel the pain rushing through my body. I retreated into meditation. I could see my body, all of the damage that was being done to it. I reached out with my mind and soothed it. Repairing what damage I could. When I came out, Keitaro was stuttering apologies. I smiled and told him that I was OK. I went to help him up, but he started to look wildly around. He turned and ran, apologising until he was out of sight. Even tonight, when he asked me to study with him, I got the impression that he didn't want to. Oh Keitaro… You see me as a monster now don't you? A freak, a distortion of the girl that you once knew. Don't worry. I promise you that soon you will never see me again. But before I do that I must teach you how to meditate. Even though you hate me I must still try to save your life.

I didn't go to school today. After that incident in the kitchen I had to borrow some clothes from Haruka. None of my old clothes fit me anymore. I spent most of the rest of the day on the roof exercising and thinking. This morning I was trying to work out how I would explain my change to the rest of the world. Now it doesn't really matter. I'm not going to be here for much longer anyways. I didn't study with Keitaro after supper. I want him to at least give him one day where he doesn't have to worry about a monster trying to kill him. If he isn't able to concentrate while I am around I will have to find away to convince Motoko to do it for me. She won't like the idea, but maybe I'll be able to get her to accept. At least she hasn't tried to vanquish me yet, though there has been an odd look in her eyes when she looks at me. Almost as if she is trying to decide what she should do about me. Maybe I shouldn't even try to teach Keitaro. Motoko can do it. Then I could finally get out of everybody's way.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	68. Entry 68

Entry 68

I heard the girls talking about me today. After everyone had got back from school they all went and took a bath. Keitaro went to his and the girls to the hot springs. I was sitting on the roof and could hear what they were saying when they got loud. Naru was complaining about how dense Keitaro was. How he hadn't known that I had a crush on him till she explained it to him yesterday. Nobody seemed to react in surprise to this. Did they all know that I love Keitaro? Worse than that they just saw it as a young girls silly crush. I can't believe that I've been laughed at behind my back for this long. I… I thought that everything would be better when I came out of the room. Now I wish that I had stayed inside and died believei… No! I still have to help Keitaro. Even if my life has no use to me, or anybody else, I still must save him before I go to sleep.

The other things that I heard them say… I couldn't catch most of it, but when Naru was yelling about that the old Shinobu the knew was gone and in here place was a woman that was capable of things that she couldn't imagine, I heard quite well. I also heard pain and bitterness behind her voice. I couldn't bring myself to ask Motoko tonight. I was so upset that I left a note on my door that said that I wouldn't be seeing anybody for the rest of the day. I heard Keitaro knock on my door and ask what was wrong, but I would bet that Naru had something to do with it. She probably wanted to see what I was up to. I cried for hours tonight. I don't see things getting better either. I am going to die, alone, and hated by those that once called me their friend.

Good night Keitaro. I will save you 


	69. Entry 69

Entry 69

I was wrong. I still can't believe it. I overheard Keitaro talking to Haruka. He was talking to her about me. I was about to leave when I he said something that I didn't expect. I heard him say that he was feeling bad, because he felt attracted to me! He was telling Haruka what was going on at the inn, confessing that he felt terrible. He thought of me as his younger sister. Now all of a sudden he sees me as an adult and he finds me beautiful instead of cute. It is making him feel like the worst of perverts. I couldn't believe it. I didn't think that was the reason that he was avoiding me. I slipped away quickly, but I was still warmed by his words. I really think that I should talk to him about this. It was already pretty late when I heard this and I didn't want him to know that I was still up. I'm not sure I could have faced him anyway. For five years I have yearned for him to say those words. If I was to die tomorrow I would be content.

Earlier in the day I had talked to Motoko. She had resisted but agreed to teach Keitaro how to meditate. She didn't press me to hard about why I didn't want to do it. She did say that she would like me to do her a favour. Now that I know that Keitaro doesn't hate me though I can teach him myself. It will be just like my dreams. The two of us sitting side by side, watching the sky. Oh Keitaro… may I call you Keitaro-kun? At least in my diary? I know that right now it would probably bother you quite a bit if I started to call you that out of the blue.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I will save you 


	70. Entry 70

Entry 70

I talked to Keitaro about teaching him how to meditate. We agreed to do it during study time on sunday. I wonder what it will be like to study with you? I haven't worked with anyone for such a long time. I made sure to tell Motoko that I would be teaching Keitaro-kun how to meditate. As I was about to leave she stopped me and asked me whether I knew how to meditate. I answered that it was the only thing that had kept me sane all of these years. I think that that stunned her. She didn't ask anymore questions after that. 

I am really working hard to try to figure out what to do about school. Su has been telling them that I wasn't feeling very good, and so I stayed home. That excuse won't last forever. But what do I do? I can't just walk in and tell them that I had suddenly aged four years and knew all of the work. They wouldn't believe that I was Shinobu. Even if I was able to prove it to them, I would probably get taken to a lab and get tested for the next long while. I don't have time for that. I need to be here so that I can help Keitaro-kun. Maybe I can get Su to make me a fake ID. Then at least I could at least go to prep school with Keitaro-kun. That would be a good way to help him. I'll talk to Su about it tomorrow. In the mean time I will sleep on what to do about school.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I love you 


	71. Entry 71

Entry 71 

Today Keitaro-kun came to my room and asked if I wanted to go on an outing. I had almost forgotten about the dates that we used to go on. He had been waiting for me for about half an hour before he came to check on me. I was a very awkward moment. I was apologizing to him for forgetting and he was apologizing to me for forgetting that I had been gone for so long. We decided to go to the park. I am still not used to lots of people. It really bothers me. I suppose that I am lucky though. I was reading stories on the net about what a couple months of solitude could make a person feel like when they were around other people.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and they air had a nice crispness to it. We sat in the park and caught up on things that I had forgotten and he didn't know. Everything was going nice, but I noticed that Keitaro-kun was slightly nervous around me. When I asked him about it he tried to pass it off as nothing. Could this be a side affect of him viewing me as attractive? I feel like there is a wall between us. I could feel it even before I slipped and caught him as he was about to trip and fall. It was dangerous the way he was reaching out to grab something. He could have grabbed the dress I borrowed from Haruka right off. I suppose that it was another attack by his ki. Still… Keitaro-kun, what do you think will happen if I help you with your bad luck before you gain control over your run away ki? It seems to be focused on causing you pain and humiliation. What if I stopped it from being able to do that? Would it break? Or would it just try harder? I better be careful helping you with anything other than meditation till I know the answer. I don't want to make it worse for you.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I will save you


	72. Entry 72

Entry 72

I started working with Keitaro-kun. Teaching him how to meditate. It is harder than expected. Keitaro-kun doesn't have any motivation to learn how to meditate. He is doing it because he wants be nice to me, and he can tell that this is something that is important to me. It took me a long time to learn how to see my own soul. I can only hope that he will be able to learn faster than I was. Every time I am around him I can feel a weird mix of compassion and loathing. I can almost see the cloud of dark ki even without meditating and looking specifically for it. It seems to be getting worse fairly quickly. I wish that I knew a faster way to teach him. Maybe I should ask Motoko. She knows more about ki than I do.

Motoko wants me to meet her after school tomorrow. I can't think of why she would want to talk to me in private. Maybe she wants to warn me about Keitaro-kun. The one thing that I don't understand is how she can meditate and not see Keitaro-kun for what he is. She has been meditating her whole life, so why does she insist that Keitaro-kun is a pervert? She should be able to see that he is a good person. She should be able to see the darkness that hangs around him and tries to hurt him. Why doesn't she do anything? Maybe things have been so hectic that she hasn't had time to meditate. I barely get half and hour a day of meditation in. Thought that is partially because I don't want to be temped to look at my friends. Maybe that's why she doesn't know. I will talk to her about it tomorrow. If she was helping me I'm sure that we could help Keitaro-kun pretty quickly.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I will save you 


	73. Entry 73

Entry 73 

I went with Keitaro-kun and Naru to prep school. I wasn't officially there. When anyone asked I answered that I was just visiting. The work that the prep school gave us was harder than I expected. Maybe it was because it had been just over a year since I completed high school, but I had to ask Keitaro-kun how to do some quite a few of the problems that were on the board. I was able to help him too. At one point the was trying to do some polynomial division. I went into a quick meditation and found that I was able to come up with answer fairly quickly. I think that it was because I didn't have to think about anything but the problem. I would love to see how good Keitaro-kun could be when he learns mediation.

Motoko won't be helping me with the teaching though. That was what she wanted to talk to me about. She wanted to talk to me about what I had done while I was in the room. Right now she looks at me like I am something special. She hasn't heard of anyone who has meditated in solitude for four years. Apparently people's connection with ki increases greatly when they are meditating for days on end. I told her that I didn't do stuff like that. I spent most of my time on my schoolwork. I tried to talk to her about it, but she insists on looking at me like I am some kind of hero. It is very embarrassing. She wants to train with me. I don't want to use a sword. The only good thing that happened was that I convinced her not to hurt Keitaro-kun with her sword. She seemed to be upset that Keitaro-kun was getting training over her. Still… What could I teach her? I don't know how to fight. I can only slip and meditate. I don't even know how I slip. I can do it, but it's like walking. I don't know how I do it, I just do it. I could teach her how to meditate. Even teaching Keitaro-kun is embarrassing. I am afraid of what will happen if I mess up. I don't think that I could ever teach Motoko. I am always tense around her… I just couldn't do it.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I will save you


	74. Entry 74

Entry 74

I told S… Kaolla abut my problems and she gave me a hand. She managed to make everything legal. Shinobu Maehara is now officially in Molmol and there is a Shinobu Mahara that has moved into the Hinata inn. She gave me all of the legal papers necessary. I even have photo ID. I just have to remember to spell my name right. It took me quite a while to convince not to name me Shinobu Su. I forgot that in her country they reverse the first and last name. I am going to try to remember to say her name properly. She has been a great friend to me ever since I've been at the inn. I didn't want to have to do something like this but I don't want the inn tore up. That is probably what the government would do if they found out. They would probably run experiments on me too. I asked S… Kaolla if there would be any side effects from the room. She just laughed and told me that she couldn't think of any, but if I wanted she would do some tests just to be sure. At one time I would have been very cautious about letting her examine me. I know now that she would never hurt me and that she is smart enough to not hurt me by accident. It feels nice to have more than one person that I can rely on. Maybe she can think of a way to help Keitaro-kun meditate.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I will save you 


	75. Entry 75

Entry 75

I was working with Keitaro-kun on meditation. I was sitting next to him I went into meditation so that I could see if he was managing it or not. I wasn't trying to look at his soul. I don't know how it happened, maybe it was how close together we were, maybe it was the fact that we were both meditating, but I suddenly felt him, like if feel my own body. I could feel the pain in his heart as if it was my own. The ki that was destroying him was destroying me as well. I was the source of it the same way that he was. I fought long and hard to stop the darkness that we were the source of. It felt the same way as it did when I had healed myself. But the pain. It was like I had to endure all of the pain from the beginning. Every single thing that had fuelled the ki over the years. Every shattered dream, every broken heart. Yet when it was over, there was a joy there that I wouldn't have believed. I don't know how to describe it. It felt so good it hurt. Then I was back in my own body looking at a radiant Keitaro-kun. I was glowing myself. The other residents were standing at the door to Keitaro-kun's in amazement. I don't even know when they got there. I felt tired and so did Keitaro-kun. We avoided the questions and told them that we would explain tomorrow. Motoko was looking at me with such respect it was scary. I truly believe that if I told her to jump off a cliff she would. I sensed frustration from her. I shouldn't have been able to. I wasn't meditating, yet I could feel everybody's emotions. The link diminished as I moved away from them. Yet I still feel a link with Keitaro-kun. He feels confused, but relaxed. Oh Keitaro… I did it. I saved you. You will never worry again. Maybe you will let me be your girlfriend.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I love you 


	76. Entry 76

Entry 76

Keitaro-kun and I talked over what happened last night. We decided that he should stop working on his training to help him with his bad luck. If his immortality is gone, it's too risky. We can both feel where the other is. I know that right now he is going down to the trai…

I had to go remind Keitaro-kun about what we talked about earlier. I don't think it has sunk in for him what a major change this is. He feels so good he is becoming careless. I can feel him unknowingly using ki in a lot of other area's. I wonder why it isn't being tinted by his self hatred? It was there when I connected with him. I tried to pass the feeling that people cared for him, that I thought that he didn't deserve to feel like that towards himself. Maybe it worked?

We told the residents what had happened. I went from the beginning and Keitaro-kun filled in where he could. I don't think that they could quite believe it. Su backed us up without actually saying that she knew anything. Motoko spent the whole time with a shocked look on her face. She seemed to be confused how such a powerful person like myself would help someone like Keitaro over her. Did I used to be so sensitive to what people were thinking Keitaro-kun? I don't think so. Naru just looked at Keitaro-kun and I like we were crazy. I think she wanted to believe that Kentaro was better that Keitaro-kun, but was having her doubts. Mitsune was looking at me as if she couldn't believe that I cared for Keitaro-kun that much. I guess that she was sure that it was just a crush. She thought that I had done this so that I could be attractive to Keitaro-kun. That might have been the original idea, but the end goal was the same. I just want Keitaro-kun to be happy.

Good night Keitaro-kun. I love you 


	77. Entry 77

Entry 77

Oh, Keitaro-kun. Please don't die. Why haven't you woken up yet? I never should have left you alone. I knew that you no longer had your protection, but I guess that Naru forgot. Oh… Keitaro-kun. I am so sorry. Naru is sorry too. Please wake up. Please don't leave us.

It happened when we got back from school. I had gone to start supper and Keitaro-kun went to help Naru with some of her work. Had all agreed to study together, at Mutsumi's urging. She had just come back from somewhere and was looking forward to seeing us all again. Right now she is sleeping in one of the empty rooms.

All I heard was the yell of 'Keitaro, you idiot' and then I felt distress from his body. I could feel his jaw shattering as a force continued on through his face moving upward. I moved as fast as I could. By the time I reached the room Keitaro-kun's body was starting it's decent to the ground. I caught him, feeling his pain. Reacted instinctively, I threw myself into meditation. I could see his ki like it was my own and started to heal it like I would if it were my own. I managed to repair the damage very quickly according to Naru. Still she wasn't able to sleep in her room tonight because of the blood splatter. I ran upstairs as soon as I was done, to find him lying in a pool of blood with Naru in shock beside him. Keitaro-kun still hasn't woken up. I don't know what to do. Everything was going so well. I even tried to look at his soul. It didn't look any different than it did after I had healed him. Oh, Keitaro… Please don't die.

Don't die Keitaro-kun. I love you 


	78. Entry 78

Entry 78

Keitaro still hasn't woken up yet. No one has any idea why. Kaolla has been running tests on him since last night, but so far she has come up with nothing. According to her scans of his brain it is like he is just asleep. We have hooked him up to an IV, but that's all that we have been able to do so far. I can't help but wonder if this whole mess is my fault. I barely had control of my emotions when I was healing him. I might have messed up his soul when I was rushing. I was so worried at the time. Yet I might have just given him some time. It is my duty to help him. Tonight I am going to meditate while holding his hand. I hope that our closer contact will allow me to see what the matter is. I think that we already have a slight link.

This morning when I collapsed from staying up to long I had a dream that I think was Keitaro's. He was standing in the in. All of us were all around him. The dream focused on each girl. I saw Motoko as a warrior with armour covering her, and watched as the armour was removed to reveal a beautiful woman, sad because she was afraid to of what might happen. I saw Naru shift from a brilliant scholar, to a very angry lady. Then she became an angel, beautiful and untouchable. Finally she changed to an indecisive young girl, that couldn't decide what heart she liked, and didn't like that she didn't know what to do. I saw Kitsune shift from a bum on the streets to a fox, and finally to a woman who looked very sad, as if she had lost the most important thing to her. She turned towards me and tried to fake a smile, but I could see through it. I saw Kaolla as a young girl, happily playing in the sand, then I saw her shift to a young girl who was desperately looking for a friend, any friend, She looked so sad. I saw Mutsumi standing beside him like his sister, as I watched I saw her slowly become an angel, someone who was smart and supportive and friendly. I saw myself appear, I didn't want to watch, I was unable to wake up or turn away. I saw my self crying, sad, almost suicidal. Then I slowly became his sister. I wanted to cry at this point, was that all that he would ever see me as? Then, as I watched, I swirled away from his side becoming a god, Smart, loving, powerful, beautiful, and forever unattainable. I watched as I drifted out of his reach. No longer needing his protection, no longer needing him. I watched as I reached back to give Keitaro a hand, but unable to reach far enough back. I saw Keitaro chasing me, then stumble and fall, looking forlornly at my receding figure. That's why… That's why I have to save him. That's why I have to go into his soul. If, no… When I save him I am going to tell him how I feel about him. I need to do it even if for no other reason than to let him know that I would never leave him, and that I am never beyond his reach.

Live Keitaro-kun. I love you 


	79. Entry 79

Entry 79 

Oh Keitaro-kun… When I said that I wanted to be with you, I never meant for it to be like this. How could I be so stupid to work on your soul while I was so emotional. How? I'm sorry Keitaro-kun… No, I have no right to call you that, Keitaro. A friend could never do to you what I have done to you. I honestly didn't mean to. Please believe me.

I tried so hard to find out why Keitaro hadn't woken up. I tried. It took me a week! A week of solid meditation. In that time Keitaro has been robbed of his life. And it was all my fault. I should have seen it sooner.

When I tried to save Keitaro I had healed him like I heal myself. By smoothing and healing his damaged soul. I was feeling his soul, and when I went to disconnect some selfish part of me held on too long, tearing his soul out of him. Locking it with my own. It is a sign of Keitaro's strength that he didn't die. It would have killed me. Now he is locked in my body somewhere, and I have to find him and lethim free.Oh Kei-_ Sempai… Why? Just when everything was going well… Why did I have to mess up again? I can never forgive myself for hurting you like this Sempai. I will save you Sempai, even from myself._

_I stopped meditating when I realized where Sempai was. I felt that everybody should know what I had done to him. It is late though and only Mutsumi was up. I gave her my message. I will let them know what I have done after I have saved Sempai, just in case she forgets. They deserve to know how selfish I have been. I only hope that they will forgive me. I only hope that Sempai will let me stay. Hang on Sempai… I will let you go. I am so sorry._

_I'm sorry Sempai. I am so sorry_


	80. Entry 80

Entry 80 

Keitaro is alive. I don't know if he is Keitaro anymore. I don't know if I am Shinobu. I just know anymore. I just don't know! I have memories of things that I have never done. So does he. Keitaro was a great person. And I love him. But is he still Keitaro? Oh Keitaro… I wish I knew. I wish that I had been faster.

Meditating was the hardest thing to do. I broke down while writing in my diary, and it took me a long time to get my emotions under control. And then the search began. I looked throughout my soul, trying to find him. I couldn't. I eventually realized that his soul had started to merge with mine. It was just starting, but I didn't know what to do. And so I decided to pull us apart by force before we could merge more completely. I remember grabbing hold of both souls, and ripping. I didn't feel pain, just sheer distress. I can't put it into words. As I was losing all control, I pushed Keitaro back into his body. Then everything went black. Oh Keitaro… I didn't want to cause you that much pain. I just couldn't see any other way. I hope that you aren't scarred by this. No… You are strong, it is I who is weak. I keep losing what I am doing as I get swirls of emotion from Keitaro. I know that he was never mad at me. But how could I help but be mad at myself? And yet, I feel distress when I get to far away from Keitaro. Even the length of house hurts a little. I can feel his distress as well. I… I don't know what to do anymore… I wish… I wish that none of this had ever happened. I wish that Keitaro had never broken up with Naru. I wish that I had never spent the time in that room. I just want My Sempai back. I just want him back. This is all my fault. Oh Keitaro… I am so sorry… Oh Sempai… If only you were still here.

I'm sorry Sempai. I am so sorry


	81. Entry 81

Entry 81

There is a way out of this mess. It might not work, but at least there is a hope. Oh Keitaro… I am so sorry that I put you through this. I hope that nothing more bad happens as a result of us trying to fix what I have done to you. Still… I almost wish that we could stay like this. When I woke up from crying it felt like you were there comforting me. I feel so close to you. I can't even stay mad at myself for too long. Every time I start to get to depressed I can feel you comforting me. I… Do you feel the same way? You seem to be in good spirits despite what has happened to you.

I explained to Keitaro and the girls what happened. We spent the day searching for a way to reverse the effects. Su searched on the net and Motoko searched old records. Keitaro and I went to the library. It was near the end of day before Keitaro came up with an idea. He got it while he was looking through a book on psychics. We will go into meditation together, both working together to try to sort out our respective personalities and memories. I don't know if it will work, I don't even know if I can meditate like I used to. Everything has been harder to do since I pulled us apart. I find myself outside the washroom that has been designated for Keitaro. If it does work, Keitaro will have his life back. If it doesn't work, then I don't know what I will do. I guess I will keep trying until I succeed.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	82. Entry 82

Entry 82 

It worked. And I feel horrible. I think that Keitaro feels the same way. Still… What a way to wake up. We both fell asleep when we were done fixing my mistakes. And When I woke up I was laying down beside him. I can only assume that the other residents had stayed out of the room so that they wouldn't interrupt us. Otherwise I am sure that Keitaro would have gotten in trouble. Still… What a peaceful sight to wake up to. And it doesn't make me feel any better. No one blames me for what happened except for me. I think it's because not one of them understands what I did to poor Keitaro, how I selfishly held on to him when I should have let go. It wasn't just an accident, it was my fault. But I can't leave him. Now that his invincibility is gone he is vulnerable. He doesn't seem to realize that yet. Neither does anybody else. Even though we had a scare I can feel that the in is starting to get back into a relaxed habit now that Keitaro is up and moving. They are all being careful around him right now, but I am afraid that Keitaro, or one of the girls might forget and hurt him again. I need to be there to help Keitaro when that happens. I might not be good at helping him, but I am the best person in the inn for it. I don't think that anybody else her can heal people. So… I will stay. Even though I have hurt Keitaro I will stay. He needs me. I just hope that I never let him down again.

Motoko was on the phone to her sister today. I don't know why. I didn't catch more than a few words. It does seem a little strange to me though, She seemed to dislike here sister when her sister was here. I understand the feeling. Motoko's sister tried to force Keitaro to marry Motoko. I can't believe that anyone would try to force somebody else to make such a major decision. It's probably nothing to worry about though. Maybe she just wanted to tell her sister about what I did to Keitaro.

Good night Keitaro. I will protect you


	83. Entry 83

Entry 83

Tsuruko came to the inn today. She seemed to be very interested in me. I feel sorry for Motoko. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable. I can't help but think that she was the one that is responsible for Tsuruko being here. I could barely to stand to see the effect that Tsuruko had on Keitaro. He looked so nervous when she asked him if she could rent a room for the next while. Keitaro didn't turn her down. She is scary.

Why do these things happen? Why can't we ever get a rest? Everything is always happening so fast. Some days I wish that I could go back into the room and just sit there and think. I had four years of peace. For the last two weeks I have had none. I can't take it anymore. Tsuruko is prodding me, I am trying to keep Keitaro alive, I am trying not to kill Keitaro, and I am trying to figure out whether I deserve to be even be here. I feel that Keitaro cares for me, but he often is nice. Do I honestly deserve to be happy? Do I deserve to fight to be happy? I don't have time to think anymore. There is no peace. I dare not leave Keitaro alone, so I have to keep checking on him while I am doing the chores. It has become a game of trying to be in two places at once, and I am beginning to feel the effects of all that slipping. It is only eight and I am about to collapse. I can't take this any more. Something's got to give.

Sleep well Keitaro. I will protect you 


	84. Entry 84

Entry 84

Today was the most embarrassing day that I have ever experienced. All day Tsuruko was teasing me about being Keitaro's girlfriend. When we started studying to catch up she asked if she could give 'the lovers tea.' It went on like that all day. Everybody knows that I like Keitaro, but couldn't she leave me alone? Why does she have to tease me? It is making everybody uncomfortable. And it's not just me… She told Motoko that Motoko should have grabbed Keitaro while she had the chance. It's not like anybody can ask her to leave. The only person who could match her for fighting is Seta, and he's not due back for a while yet.

After talking about it with Keitaro I decided that I should disappear for a while. Meditate to keep an eye on where everybody, and warn everybody about where Tsuruko is so that the members of the inn can avoid her. I will also be able to keep an eye on Keitaro and make meals for everybody. I'll just have to make sure that I am careful while I am doing it. Make sure that she is out of the house, or sleeping. Why did this have to happen now? Tsuruko, why are you so mean? Why can't you just leave Keitaro and I alone?

Sleep well Keitaro. I am guarding you 


	85. Entry 85

Entry 85 

I have agreed to learn Kendo from Tsuruko. She's right. I do need to be able to protect Keitaro. I do need practice in controlling my power. I understand her points. But why must I be forced to fight? Why can't I just learn how to slip while holding on to Keitaro? Why can't she teach me meditation techniques to control my power outside of combat? Maybe she doesn't know how. She refused to answer me when I brought up the subject. I know that there is something that she is not telling me. I remember when I used to go to school how I would ask people questions and if they didn't know the answer they would just ignore me or change the subject. The thing is, I don't have a choice. I have to listen to her, because she is right, I do need to learn how to protect Keitaro.

How foolish I was thinking that I could somehow hide from Tsuruko. She found me and held me down. I was on the roof meditating. I was keeping a close eye one her like I promised that I would. I thought I felt her move, but then her presence steadied down. The next thing I knew I heard her laughter. Not through meditation, but from right beside me. I broke concentration to see what was going on. She was still down stairs. Oh Keitaro... Do you know how scary it is to open your eyes, expecting there to be nobody there, to know no one is there, and to have a hand on your shoulder? A hand that shouldn't exist? To try to slip, but be unable to move? I screamed. Tsuruko went right on laughing. I had been meditating the entire day keeping an eye on her and I was tired from slipping around warning everyone of her approach. I think that I fainted. The next thing that I knew I was back in my room and Tsuruko was having a talk with me. She explained that she had been sent here to train me. Why she was sent, I have no idea.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	86. Entry 86

Entry 86

I spent today learning how to use a sword. The wooden practice sword that I am using feels strange. It doesn't have a sharp edge but I am always afraid that I will hurt someone with it. I don't mind swinging it so much, but when Tsuruko asked me to go through some basic spares with her I froze. I knew that even though it was not sharp it could hurt her. When I tried to tell her that she laughed and told me that was the point. I was supposed to be attacking her. I can't do it. Every time I swing my sword towards her I can see the pain that it would cause if it connected. I am forced to swing slowly. I think that Tsuruko is getting frustrated. At the end of 14 hours of training she told me that she wouldn't hold back tomorrow. That I would be forced to actually fight. I don't want to fight! Why Keitaro? Why is she forcing me to fight? Even if none of the others understand I can see that you do. The one time that she didn't block and I actually hit her you came and comforted me. Looking back on it now she probably did it on purpose to show that it wouldn't hurt her.

Tsuruko keeps telling me that I am unable to work with my weapon because I fear it. She told me that I have to learn to work with the sword instead of fighting against it. I don't think I will be able to. Every time I hold the practice sword all I can think about is the pain that it is able to inflict. I remember the time I tried to help Keitaro. I remember the pain he felt. I don't think that I will ever be able to forget it. That is all I can think about when I hold the sword. Inflicting that kind of pain on others. I can't do it. Tomorrow I will tell Tsuruko that. That I don't need her training. That I refuse it. That I could never want to hurt anyone. I will do the right thing Keitaro! Count on me.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	87. Entry 87

Entry 87 

I now know what Tsuruko was hiding from me. She was sent here to either teach me, or if that failed, kill me. When I went up to her and told her that I refused to be trained she suddenly looked angry. She told me that she had fought for my life but there wasn't anything she could do. Then she took out her sword and attacked me. I wasn't expecting it. The only warning that I had was that I could feel her Ki suddenly build up. I was lucky. I automatically dropped into meditation and healed myself. I think that I would be dead right now if not for all the practice that I did. It was the only thing that gave me the endurance to keep out of her way. She used illusions to trick me and attack me from behind, I was stabbed through the heart more than once. If not for the fact that I had practice in continual usage of slipping I wouldn't have been able to heal myself fast enough. I saw Motoko crying on the deck, I could feel her shame. I think she wanted to try to help me. But when she first stepped onto the deck Tsuruko yelled at her the number of some rule. I think anyway. I was to busy trying to survive. Su and Naru tried to help, but they couldn't stand up to Tsuruko. She knocked them out.

It was when I saw Keitaro run in front of a Ki blast that I snapped. I slipped ahead of him and put my being into absorbing Tsuruko's Ki. Like I had the one time with Keitaro. In the Ki that Tsuruko was releasing I could feel pain. She didn't want to hurt me, so she was trying to stay angry at me. She had been ordered to kill me, and she couldn't do a thing about it. She had managed to strike a deal that if she could teach me Kendo then I would be allowed to live. She knew why I was to be killed. Her parents were afraid that I would fall to evil and that they would be unable to stop me. I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing that I could think of. I slipped and grabbed my sword off of the deck from where I had thrown it. Tsuruko had already fired another shot at me which I absorbed as well. I slipped behind her and lightly touched her on the back before she could turn around. Then I let my sword fall to the ground and bowed to her. I think the exact words I said were "Thank you for teaching me Kendo, Master." She was in shock that I had touched her. Than she realized what I had said and what it meant. I had given her a way out. She knew that one of the tests to show that someone had learned Kendo was to beat their teacher in a match. I had given her a way out. She had begun to laugh. No one understood except for me and her. Maybe Motoko as well.

Things get blurry after that. I think I passed out. I have just woken up and it is the next morning. I'd better go make breakfast

I hope you slept well Keitaro. I love you


	88. Entry 88

Entry 88

Tsuruko had already left when I woke up. She had explained things to everybody, for which I was thankful. I would have had a lot of trouble trying to do that. I was mobbed when I got down stairs though. Keitaro had insisted that I be left alone while I rested. -thank you Keitaro!- I assured everyone I was OK. It took a bit of convincing, but everyone was impressed with the fight. Learned that the fight had only gone on for about three hours. It felt longer than that at the time, but I can see why. I really hate sleeping in all the time. I am loosing my place in the kitchen!

Keitaro was really impressed with how I was able to take that kind of damage without being wounded. I couldn't help but smile. He had taken just as bad. I talked with him about it and we decided that I would start to training him in healing. So that he wouldn't have to worry as much. I am thinking of applying at Keitaro's prep school. It would be easier for me to watch over him, and I need to start studying for university as well. Things are finally looking up!

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	89. Entry 89

Entry 89

Motoko came to talk to me today about my fight with her sister. She seemed confused about what happened. I suppose that she had tried to ask her sister but didn't get an answer. So I told her the truth. That I wasn't actually better than Tsuruko, I just had surprise. Up till the moment I attacked I had not fought back. Then, I not only absorbed one of her attacks, but I also moved for another reason than to avoid her attacks. It gave me a half moments surprise which I used to get to her before she could defend herself. Even though it wasn't anything special Motoko is now treating me with extreme respect. It is very disconcerting.

I went with Keitaro and registered at the prep school. Kaolla did a good job with my fake papers. I wasn't even questioned. I was asked why I was applying so late so I told the truth, that I had just finished correspondence. Keitaro spent a lot of time making sure I was up to date with the new material. It is hard, I haven't done homework for so many months and some of the stuff I learned I have to drop into meditation to remember, but over all I am starting to get caught up. There is a mock exam in a few weeks. I hope that I will be ready in time.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	90. Entry 90

Entry 90

There is no way that I will be able to catch up on time. Keitaro is trying to teach me most of the stuff that I missed... But that is a lot of material! I also found out that my spoken English is terrible. I don't sound natural at all. Kaolla's computer taught me pronunciation, but not a natural way of saying it. Everyone is telling me that I sound like a computer!

There are several good things however. I get to spend a lot of time with Keitaro. We spent 3 hours after supper studying with Naru. She is cold towards the both of us when we don't understand a question, but it was really nice of her to invite us to study with her.

I have taken over the kitchen again. It is hard after being gone so long, but in my subconscious I was able to remember what to do. It's slowly coming back, even if I did slightly overdo the teriyaki tonight.

I had to do my exercises at lunch. An abbreviated version of course, I only had forty minutes. Keitaro came and watched me. I felt really happy with him there, watching over me. Everything is going well. I look foreword to tomorrow.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	91. Entry 91

Entry 91

We got a packet from Tsuruko today. There were two things inside, an official paper and a handwritten letter. The official paper officially recognized me, and my accomplishments, in the battle against Tsuruko. Inside the letter was an apology from Tsuruko. She told me that her parents had agreed to let me live in peace as long as I didn't hurt anyone.

It was a strange feeling reading that letter. I thought that the whole thing had been resolved and I had put it behind me. I had stopped worrying about it. Then, to get this letter, which told me that I didn't have to worry anymore... I suddenly realized that I should have been worried, but I didn't need to be worried anymore. It felt like panic that didn't quite manage to happen. Keitaro understands what I mean. He looked like how I felt.

Motoko relaxed visibly when she saw the letter. I had been so happy to be with Keitaro I didn't even notice that she was tense. I am glad to know that she didn't want to worry me. She even stood up for me when Kaolla started joking that I should come with her and have some tests run to see how much damage I could withstand. At one time I might have worried, but ever since she helped me with the room, I haven't worried. I am with the best friends anybody could have. These are the best days in my life.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	92. Entry 92

Entry 92

We had a small test today. Naru and Mutsumi aced it. Keitaro and I? We barely managed. We talked about it and I showed him how I used to study. It took a while to teach him, but when he caught on he really was good. We are starting over from the beginning of the textbooks, just in case we learned anything wrong. Naru laughed at our way of doing it. Mutsumi would have joined, but she fell asleep before we could start.

When we got to school this morning Mutsumi was waiting for us. It's really odd how that girl can appear and disappear and still get such good marks. Some times I wonder if she is as smart as Su. If Su understands machines, than Mutsumi understands hearts. We asked her where she was and she just said that she was in Tokyo visiting. It's probably a good thing. I wouldn't want anybody to be caught up in the excitement that we had around here!

Keitaro and I have started to become more coordinated around each other. I don't know if it is from the meditation, or the amount of time that we have been spending together, but I noticed it this morning when he was helping me in the kitchen. We moved as one. At least till bad thoughts started to creep into my mind and I tripped. Keitaro caught me. He didn't fall or anything. He has been able to do that ever since I helped him, and he is getting better all the time. All of the training that he did, he must have had a massive amount of practice for every situation, except that his problem kept messing him up. Now that he is free, all of the practice that he did is coming to his aid, and he isn't as afraid. The less he messes up the less afraid he is and the better he does.

It felt so nice to be in Keitaro's arms when he caught me! I thought that I would die from happiness... Or blushing! I wouldn't have cared. It was almost like a hug! Oh Keitaro... I love you!

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	93. Entry 93

Entry 93

I'm selfish. I should be happy with what I have, but instead I have been finding myself wanting more. It started yesterday when Keitaro caught me in his arms. It stuck in my head all day. Then, last night I had dreams about things that I shouldn't. I find myself more an more uncomfortable around Keitaro. When we were meditating I broke off and spent five minutes just looking at him. He looked so nice, so thoughtful. It didn't help that today was Sunday and we spent the whole day together studying. He even watched me do the long version of my practice. I didn't even realize that I was doing it. I was alternating between daydreaming and looking at him. I wasn't even looking at him in an appropriate manner... What am I going to do with myself? These thoughts feel so dirty, and yet they are pleasant. Dreaming of Keitaro holding me, of him hugging me. I even was imagining what it would be like to kiss him. It took all my concentration not to fall on my face while he was helping me with supper.

Oh Keitaro... What am I going to do? Who could I talk to about this? Kitsune? She would just tease me... Naru? She hates perverts. Motoko? She is so pure that I know that she would never have thoughts like this. Maybe I should talk to Mutsumi. She is good at stuff like this. I just hope that she will be at school tomorrow.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	94. Entry 94

Entry 94

I can't believe what Mutsumi suggested! She said that I should start dating Keitaro. It wasn't only that but how she said it. She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I'll admit, I have thought about dating Keitaro before, it was one of the reasons why I waited in the room for so long, but back then it was a distant thing, a desperate ploy to save his life! Now he is no longer in danger and he is happy! There is no reason for me to date him. On top of that Mutsumi said it like I should start dating him right away, I'm not ready for that! I'm too young! I'm...

I'm scared. What if Keitaro turns me down? Right now I can pretend that we're a couple, but If I ask him to let me be his girlfriend, and he says no, all of the happiness that I have will be lost. I don't want to risk that. I know that he finds me attractive. I know that he likes me. Why should I be scared? I don't know but I am. On the other hand I am no longer satisfied with just pretending. I want to be his girlfriend. I can't stand trying to act normal around him. I am finding it impossible to do. To not blush when he looks at me, to not hold his hand. I want these things. I will ask him tomorrow. I will!

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	95. Entry 95

Entry 95 

I couldn't do it. I tried. I really did. Just every time I tried to say it the words wouldn't come. I could see Keitaro wondering what was wrong with me. I don't like it when he worries over me. No... I do like it but I feel guilty. He has enough to worry about. I shouldn't make him worry about me more. I don't know what I am going to do. I can't seem to work up the nerve to ask him. The more I try the more worried he gets and the worse I feel. Maybe I should give up trying to tell him my feelings. I should be happy with what I have. I shouldn't ask for more...

Maybe I should ask Haruka about what to do. She does seem distant sometimes, but she is quite smart. Maybe she will have an answer for me. I can't give up, not yet, not after all I have been through. I am betting my happiness on Keitaro allowing me to be his girlfriend. I honestly believe that I have a chance, small though it might be, and I have to take it. Still... What good is resolve if I can't even say three small words out loud to him? If I can't ask a single question? Please help me Haruka.

Good night Keitaro. I love you


	96. Entry 96

Entry 96

Haruka seemed really surprised that I came to her for help. At least I think she was. She stood looking at me with a blank expression for a long moment before answering. I don't think that anyone has ever asked her a question like this before. It was probably the way it happened as well. I came in and started to spill all my thoughts and feelings out to her. I was surprised at how easy the words came out. Maybe I have started to be less shy. I don't know. I can't help but remember what I was like when I tried to return Keitaro's notebook. Just the little attention from Kaolla scared me off.

Things went a little better today. I was so busy thinking about asking Haruka that I had an easier time not blushing when ever Keitaro and my eye's met. That was at least until I heard Haruka's suggestion. She thought that I should ask him out and then, while on a date with him, ask him if I could be his girlfriend. How am I supposed to ask him to go out with me? I can't do that! No... I have to. Maybe I could ask him to go for a walk with me. That wouldn't be so hard would it? ...It would. I can't stop blushing when I think of going up to Keitaro and asking him to do something like that. Oh Keitaro... What can I do? If I even asked you to go out with me for a date would you even accept? I can only hope that you would. If you don't go on a date with me... Then... You would never let me be your girlfriend.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	97. Entry 97

Entry 97

I did it! I asked Keitaro out for a date. Sort of anyway. I asked him if he would like to come with me help me get groceries on Sunday. I meant to ask him to go for a walk with me, but I froze and that was the first thing that I could think of. Keitaro... He said that he would! I was so happy! I am so happy! As I was busy yelling at myself for saying something so stupid, he said that he would like to come with me! I think that I would have fainted if not for my meditation kicking in. the world started to go black and I automatically slipped into meditation. I could feel a sense of relief from Keitaro as well. It was almost as if he was happy that I had asked him to go shopping with me. I wonder why he would want to go shopping? It doesn't matter. He agreed to go!

Keitaro and I are almost caught up to the rest of the class using our meditation study method. Keitaro is learning how to do it quite well. At first I had to guide him through the steps, but now he is beginning to be able to do it while I'm not there. Part of it that he isn't stupid, it was just that he had cursed himself. With that gone he is doing much better. If he keeps this up he will eventually be able to learn everything that I have. Thinking about it, I don't wonder if part of the reason that he is picking it up so well is because of what happened when I mingled our souls. I have been finding that I am getting better at drawing, even without as much practice. Maybe it's because that was Keitaro's strong point? I don't know. I never saw anything about this when I was researching Ki.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	98. Entry 98

Entry 98

I can't believe what I was thinking yesterday. I didn't have any really good clothes to wear! All I had was what I was borrowing from Haruka. I realized that in school today, so once school was done I told Keitaro that I had some things to look after and slipped over to a clothing store. When I told them that I was going on my first date they tried to get me to wear really embarrassing clothes. Clothes that made me blush to look at, let alone try on. Finally I bought the most modest one that they were showing me and looked around. I had no idea what to buy, so I bought some dress clothes and a full dress. It wasn't flashy, but I liked it none the less.

I am beginning to regret my decision. What happens if Keitaro doesn't like what I picked? What if he would prefer the more provocative clothing? It's not like he hasn't seen me naked before. Why should I be embarrassed to where clothes like that? I don't know... But I am. I showed the clothes that I had bought to Mutsumi, and she thought they wonderful. Still... Sometime I wonder about her. She seems so... Off... I trust what she says about people though. I have to. There is not a single person who dislikes her. She is smart... So why am I beginning to doubt her advice? I don't know... Oh Keitaro... I hope that I going about this the right way.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	99. Entry 99

Entry 99

Tomorrow is the big day. I wasn't able to concentrate on my work in school today. If not for the extra studying that Keitaro and I are putting in I would have looked really foolish in class. I was called on to answer a question and only meditation saved me. I managed to find the answer buried deep with in my mind. To everyone else it looked like a hesitation, but Keitaro noticed it. After class he asked me what was wrong. In some ways I am more worried about him. He has started to act strange. I didn't notice it at first, but today I noticed that he was having trouble concentrating on work as well. Could it be that he likes me? No... That's just silly... He hasn't ever given a sign that he likes me in that way. I am really worried about him. If he is sick he could come and I could help him, unless he is afraid that what happened last time will happen again. I wouldn't blame him if he does.

I showed the clothes that I bought to Haruka today. She said that they were good and told me not to worry too much. I wish that I could be so confident. Still... I suppose that I should take heart from her reactions. She knows Keitaro better than any of us. I often sense that Keitaro visiting her. Sometimes I wonder what they are talking about but I know that I shouldn't pry. Keitaro has lost enough privacy since he came her. He should at least be able to talk to Haruka in peace.

Good night Keitaro. I love you 


	100. Entry 100

Entry 100 

Keitaro... Keitaro asked ME to be his girlfriend... I couldn't believe it. We had stopped by the bridge where we first met to rest and I was trying to work up the courage to ask him. Then he said something that I missed. I turned at him and asked him what he had said. I could see that he was fighting to get the words out. Then all of a sudden he asked me if I would be his girlfriend. Shouted it actually... I was stunned. I could see him looking at me hopefully, but with worry in his eyes. I think the worry was what snapped me out of my shock. I hugged him. I think I even might have cried. Over and over I found myself repeating the word 'Yes!' into his shirt. He hugged me back. Then... Then we kissed. It was just like my dreams. It... It was indescribable. I felt as if I could do anything. I could feel his joy along side my own and that made me happier.

I don't know how long we stood there, but eventually we had to stop and get the groceries home. We started talking, opening up to one another. It turns out that he had been trying to think of a way to ask me to be his girlfriend and had also sought Haruka's help. It was one of the reasons that Haruka had been so sure that things would work out. It is so ironic that we are so close that our actions mirrored each other so closely. We announced it to everybody when we got home. I think that our friends took it rather well. Motoko respected me enough to let me take care of myself, Su already knew and was happy for me, Kitsune set up a party and Naru... Naru just gave us a small wistful smile. I am currently sitting with Keitaro as I write this. He is writing in his diary as well.

This is the last page of my diary. Keitaro is joking that he'll have to buy me a new one now. I can't help but believe that the next one will be full of happy things. Of dates, of marriage... Who knows? We have our entire future before us. Together there is nothing that we can't do!

Good night Keitaro. I will always love you.  
Forever till the end of time


End file.
